Mental Health Stories

Tears of Fear

What's the longest amount of time you've gone without crying?

I don't even know how often the average person cries.

Lately I've been crying everyday.

During good times, I'll only cry a couple times a week.

The slightest things set me over the edge and I feel the tears start.

I've had to rush out of the cafeteria because I was staring at my food and suddenly I wasn't hungry and then I started panicking and feeling anxious and breathing too fast and feeling like I was going to pass out.

I've waited impatiently for class to end because my head hurt and I didn't know what the teacher was saying anymore and my chest hurt and my hands were shaking and I just hope no one noticed as I rushed to my dorm.

I hate making small talk and being put on the spot for question of the week in my class because my voice shakes, my heart rate escalates, and my mind blanks.

I feel like every time someone makes eye contact with me and then starts talking with their friends, they're talking and laughing about me.

I avoid crowds and social gatherings because of the noise. I'm glad they're happy and enjoying themselves but my brain apparently doesn't.

Even simple situations like ordering dinner can turn into a nightmare with my brain. My mind analyses how close each person is standing to me and then panic mode starts.

I'm constantly eyeing people as they pass me on the sidewalk. My brain assumes everyone is a potential threat until proven otherwise and if they seem okay, well guess I'd better keep an eye on them anyway.

When I'm out with friends, I hate walking first and leading the way even if I know where I'm going. My brain goes, Am I walking too fast? Should I speed up? Yikes, there's a person coming this way. Better recalculate path. Are my friends still following me? Why did that girl just walk in front of us really close? Is that guy staring at me?

AN: Rational me after these situations knows that there's no need to panic and overthink things but in the moment it's just anxiety.