Mental Health Stories

Hate

I hate the disappointed look I get when they ask me about my grades and wonder why they're so low.

I'm sorry I can barely concentrate in class and I get overwhelmed and stressed from work and I have nightmares every night so I don't sleep and feel like falling asleep in class and when it's time to study for a test I get so unmotivated and I swear I try but. . . it's hard.

I hate how they tell me to socialise more when my social anxiety is so bad I can barely handle saying anything in my classes, it's taken me three trips to the store before becoming brave enough to buy anything, and I feel like dying every time I talk to someone new.

I hate why they always ask me why I look so tired because it's not like I do anything besides play video games all day and do nothing besides be lazy.

I'm sorry I'm tired of living sometimes. Or maybe it's not living I'm tired of. Maybe it's the hell that's my mind and it never shuts up. If you stayed up every night crying and feeling anxious and having nightmares for weeks—no it's been months. . .years?— then you'd be tired too.

I hate how I feel fine and happy and I'm actually enjoying life and then suddenly I'm not and I'm drowning and I can't breathe but it doesn't matter so I pretend everything is fine but it's not and maybe it never is.

I hate my head for not working properly and myself for feeling this way and for relying on people when I know that one day they won't be there and they'll get tired of being here day after day and night after night which is fine.

I hate overthinking everything and the stupid voices in my head that lie to me and the only time they stop is when I write and push them out of my head and into this book or a story, where they can live by themselves.

I hate feeling this way.

AN: Mostly just a rant and words that need to get out of my head.