Mental Health Stories

Time

How do five days feel so quick and yet two days feel like a week?

How do I explain how my brain doesn't process time like normal?

Sometimes the days blur.

I swear, yesterday was February and today it's almost April.

Someone asked me a simple question.

"Has your girlfriend been helping with your sleep lately?"

And I couldn't remember.

I was about to say, "no, I've actually been sleeping fine" but then decided it was better to check.

And two nights ago, I had texted her at 5 AM because I was anxious and couldn't sleep.

Those two days felt like forever.

And maybe it's because I'm so desperate to feel. . . normal and okay that time feels longer to me.

Or maybe it's because I don't feel alive sometimes.

And I'm just trying to stay alive and make it through one day.

That sometimes I don't feel like I'm living.

Like I don't have a reason to get up and live.

And my brain forgets things.

It just can't remember things.

Simple things.

And then I find myself asking:

Did I eat lunch today?

Did I even sleep last night?

What have I been doing for the past 5 hours?

I'll look at the clock and realise it's suddenly dinner time when last I remember it was noon.

So, I'm glad when some of my communication is online, because then I can scroll and check things when I forget.

In-person, I can't rewind conversations.

In-person, my brain forgets and then never remembers certain things.

I measure time in accomplishments and events.

Okay, so we made it through another Chemistry test.

Wow, it's time for our weekly lab report.

It's lunchtime now.

And it's sad.

That it doesn't feel like living.