There's Fire

Here to Stay

Roman's POV

            We had a stare off and I was getting annoyed, but I was stuck here for an hour still. I took a sip of my water and set it down. "Can I go?" I finally asked.

   "You're angry." Kyah stated. "You're alive and still angry."
    "I'm sorry let me move this wheelchair. I need to stretch my legs. My right one is tingling."
    "This time last year you weren't even in the land of the living. You should be in a wooded box decaying, but I'm sorry your leg is tingly."
    "Really?" I rolled my eyes.
    "Oh I'm sorry; I'm not your wife. I'm not going to take your jabs and not address it."
    "Huh?"
    "Exactly."
    "Janae is-"
    "Not okay, but we are talking about you. Why are you angry Roman?"

   "Why wouldn't I be angry? I was shot. I was shot a lot actually. I think I have the right to be angry." I rolled my eyes.

   "Have you talked to your father since you've been awake?" She asked.

   "Yeah, once."

   "How did that go?"

   "Fine."

   "What did you talk about?" I just sat there. "Roman."

   "I told him about the baby." I looked down.

   "The baby your wife lost while you were in the coma. You still grieve this child that you never knew or even seen. I know you two have experienced a miscarriage before what is different about this one?"

   "My child died. I'm going to grieve it."

   "Yes, it's natural. What is abnormal though is that you found yourself in a similar position as your child. A matter of life or death. Your child died, but you lived. How does that make you feel Roman?" She asked. "How does that make you feel?"

   "You want to know how I feel? I'll tell you! My sons are dead. My brothers are dead! My nephews are dead. Why? Why did they die and I didn't? How did I survive, but they didn't? How all of those were lives taken, but I'm still here. That doesn't make sense. That is not right." I looked out of the window. "I should be gone and they should be here."

   "Well Roman, you are here. You are alive. They are not. I have one more question for you and we can end this early."

   "Fine."

   "You have a second chance at life, what are you going to do with it?" She leaned back in her chair. "I will see you next week. I expect an answer then." She stood up and opened her office door for me. I rolled out and looked at Janae who was on her phone. I was just ready to go home for the day.

            I could hear Janae and everyone talking, but I wanted it to stop. Everyone and everything is just picking at my nerves. Today for whatever reason my entire body was in an overabundance of pain. I didn't feel like taking my medication at the time, but Janae would not stop pushing the matter. "No."
    "Roman you have to. You keep complaining about the chair you have to do the work. I know you don't like the nurse." I hate that nurse. "Do you want me to fire him? You have to get back on track though. I can help you. It's a little cold today we can turn on the pool heater and do your therapy in there." She offered, but it was still annoying me.
    "No." I stared at my plate.
    "If you don't want that then I can make you something else. We usually did left overs on Monday's, but I can make something or order." She pushed.
    "No."
     "Okay, um Eva she um would probably like it if you read to her. Those Italian story books came in months ago, but yeah." For once I just wanted her to shut up. All of her positive bullshit was pissing me off. Every time she'd open her mouth she'd treat me as if I was an invalid. I was in a wheelchair not a coma still. She was trying to help me constantly I couldn't take it. Everyone started to leave the dinner table. Adrian picked up Tati and left. Alessia was still eating since she had been late. She took Eva out of her high chair and Eva toddled around. Janae stood up and grabbed my cup. I grabbed her hand and it startled her. It slipped and it slipped through her hand shattering nearly instantly. "Stop it! Just fucking stop it and leave me alone! I don't need any fucking help! I don't need your damn positivity! Just fucking stop."
    "I'm just trying to h-" She shook her head.
    "I don't want it." I growled. I saw tears well up but then a piercing cry interrupted our stared down. I looked down and saw blood coming from Eva's foot. Janae scooped her up and rushed out of the kitchen without another word. I looked at the glass and tried to figure out how I could clean it up alone, but there was no way without hurting myself. I looked over at Alessia who was looking down at her phone and eating. "Alessia could you..." I spoke loud enough for her to hear.
    "Nope." She continued to sit down.
    "What do you mean nope? I-I can't do it alone."
    "Wow it took you all of 3 minutes to realize that."
    "What are you talking about?" I rolled my eyes.
    "Ever since you came back home you've been a complete ass to everyone. You even feign a sense of happiness with the girls. They notice. They're just happy you're here again. You know Adrian called me crying yesterday when I was at work when she was left with you. I heard you snap at her just before dinner yesterday! Someone had to stop me from slapping you over the head with pan. I guess you really hurt her feeling because you snapped at her to leave you alone. She just wanted to know if you wanted to see her presentation. Eva tries to hand you her toys and you hand them to Nae. Little Tati wants to sit in your lap and you tell her to go see her dad. Val and I don't give two fucks if you get an attitude with us because at the end of the day we can go to our own homes at night, but Nae she's with you constantly. We stay for her and the kid's sake. Did you know Val talked about switching Tati's schedule? Your outbursts are so bad it affects the kids. I can take Adrian. Val can take Tati, but that leaves poor Eva here with you. Is that fair? Us leaving Nae here alone? You treat her like shit! She does everything for you. She makes sure you're up. She makes sure you get out of bed every day. She gets you dressed. She bathes you. She makes sure you eat. She makes you whatever you want whenever. She sits through countless appointments. She sits up for hours researching physical therapy shit for you because you are in such a huge rush to stand and walk again. I mean I get it but still. Yesterday I literally had to force her to go take a nap because your dumb ass just has to have breakfast with Adrian in the morning. You didn't even notice she has barely slept in the past week. Friday is your fucking anniversary and you want to know what she planned for you? Come fucking look." She left the table and I followed her. We went into my office and she turned my computer towards me. I looked at the screen and saw I bunch of notes and emails from my car guy, my tattoo artist, my favorite restaurant, and plans to send the girls away for the weekend. "Since your scars have officially healed and you don't have any more surgeries she treating you to get your tattoos touched up. She had a whole fucking car custom made for your unappreciative ass to be able to drive again since you miss it. She was bringing everything to you because she wants you to be happy. You are too selfish to even notice." I just stared at the pictures of the car and it looked like the one a usually drove but the steering mechanism were different. There were no peddles. There was this kind of lever system. "Do you know on average how many hours of sleep she gets?" Alessia ask.
    "No."
    "2, she get 2 solid hours of sleep. Do you know if she eats every day?" She snapped.
   "I think so. I don't know."
    "She doesn't. Adrian had to call her mom yesterday to come make her eat why you were with your doctor on the phone. She hadn't eaten in 3 days."
    "Do you know she is struggle to produce milk for Tati, so she has to take something to make just enough for her." I looked at Alessia. "Before you get angry at her or frustrated with being treated like a goddamn invalid remember that's exactly what you fucking are. You can't do shit without help. If it was up to me you would have been left in the hospital, but you begged to come home, so she arranged that now you treat her like shit! If she woke up one day and said fuck it and took Tati and Eva and just left she could! There wouldn't be shit you could do! You have such a good wife and you take out all this rage on her! For what Roman? Why take it out on her? She didn't pull that trigger last year. She lost just as much as you. A child. Your child. She felt that life she was carrying leave her body. She planned your funeral. She went and watched them construct your crypt. She picked out your casket. She picked out what you'd be buried in. She bought clothes for her and your daughters. By the time you were scheduled to be taken off life support she was grieving you. She was preparing to lose her husband. Do you have any idea the toll that took on her? Going through that shit is beyond taxing on her. Then you live! You fucking live and yet you take it out on her! There's no point. Her whole life now revolves around you, those kids, this house, her job, and your fucking job! She killed someone for you. She killed two people for you! That's something she will have to live with forever. She traded a piece of her soul, who she is, because of you. Poor Roman his wife wants to make him happy. Boo fucking hoo she waits on him hand and foot. Now Eva got hurt! That's on you. Your baby being hurt is on you. Now I'm going to go clear up from the tantrum you just had. You can wait in your room until I'm done. Then I will grab your shit in a minute. I don't know when Janae is getting back, but its best if you're in bed by then." Alessia left me alone and I just sat there. I looked back at the screen and closed my eyes. I'm a piece of shit.