The Wall Crossers

Dec - Good-byes are Never Good

Olivia's perspective

Leida and I stand near the door in the café, preparing to say good-bye. Vati returns from using the phone, snapping his fingers, smiling. I wear my coat, preparing to leave. Leida's coat and our bags rest on the nearby bench in this café waiting area.

I tell Vati good-bye, and we hug. He says he will see me in January. He seems happy. He looks at us. He tells Leida, "Car is coming soon." He walks back to the phones to give us time alone.

Leida says, "We will get married in January... in Stuttgart!" She is happy. She slow blinks at me. I melt, as always. I smile... I work to put forth my best effort, for her.

Leida's perspective

I take Olivia's hands in mine. I feel her rings. I see Anja's ring. I look up to Olivia's eyes. I ask her, but try not to plead, "O-li..via... I want, I... please... will you please return it, that ring, to her?" I look down at the ring.

Olivia's perspective

This question that Leida asks me is harder than any asked by her Vati. I look at my turquoise ring. I am breathing through my mouth. I hear my heartbeat in my ears. I look back up to Leida. She raises her eyes to me also. She looks scared. I nod. She nods.

Leida's perspective

Olivia signals Yes, she will return the ring. I smile an artificial smile. I don't want conflict now. I bring her left hand to my lips—kiss the star sapphire. Kiss her wrist. Breathe her smell one last time, until...

Olivia's perspective

I feel like crying. I say with wavery voice, "Leida..."

Leida's perspective

I suddenly feel so scared, and my hands begin to shake, though we still hold hands.

I stop her words, because her tone frightens me, by interrupting with, "Tschüss (loving bye), my baby love."

"Why did you call me baby love, Leida?"

"Like that song by Supremes... don't throw our love away."

Before my tears begin, I lean in and give to Olivia a deep kiss, which she returns, with the same deep emotion. Then I feel better. I add, "Ich bin dir und dir allein verpflichtet," which means I hold myself promised to you and you alone. I ask Olivia, "Do you understand?" I raise my eyebrows as a question.

Olivia's perspective

I say "Tschüss... Leida," and turn to leave. She still holds my hands. I look at our hands, and pull gently. She lets them go. I drop my arms.

I turn, pick up my bag, and walk to the door.

Leida's perspective

As soon as she turns to leave, I am sure—I am in love with her. I need her so... right now. This, together, was not... enough time. I feel desperation. Not like this... no, not to end like this.

She said she would protect me—from harm. Yet, she did not return my promise of devotion.

I reach for her, but she is already steps away near the door. I do not want her to leave. I try to speak, but no words come.

She opens the door, passes through. The door closes. I wait seconds for her to reappear—to come back for me. She doesn't. I want her here with me again. I will stay in Berlin... not go home with Vati. Not go to Spain. I will stay with Olivia and not let her leave my sight. We will settle the Anja Liebesaffäre (love affair), together, and end that danger, once and final! We will take one month and make all our plans. She can live with me, and go to work each day. I will be waiting for her when she returns. Karin will let me work in Berlin for two weeks, and then we will have the holidays... together!