The Wall Crossers

September Loves Arrive - Wednesday

Anja's perspective

It is Wednesday, just before the last weekend in September. I am on my bus to work. It is a cloudy cool day and I am wearing my light parka which is charcoal in color, over my A-Line pinafore tweed button-down dress—standard style for work except this one has hem three inches above the knee, which is against the rules—although my Supervisor Chief Warrant Officer Emile Baudoine d'Ajou does not seem to mind when I notice him looking at me in past days as I wore this dress. Today I wear my black low block-heel slingback pumps and pantyhose. Under the dress I have on a white cotton long-sleeved button-up collared blouse, with a coral pin as collar clasp, and cuffs ironed stiff with starch. I have light Max Factor foundation and blush. No mascara today.

I have my pink coral ear studs and matching tiny natural coral bracelet. Nails are painted a bit darker shade, more toward red. I applied my light cinnamon lip gloss before leaving home. My shoulder bag is small and glossy black, with an overflap that snaps to the side, and a long strap—almost just a purse on a string. I will have lunch with Livie today.

Since August, Livie and I are very close—but like friends? I thought there was budding something more. But that... has not yet developed. There was that time just a few short weeks ago, in August, in my flat, Livie and I were emotional, from our day in the Tiergarten. There, in the wind and noise of a nearby crowd, I shouted Olivia! Ich liebe dich!! (I love you!!). She did not hear. I cried out to the broken sky.

Then... it was late that evening. Livie cleaned up the kitchen from dinner as I luxuriated in a warm bubble bath. I felt sensuous toward her, wanted her, needed her, my body charging from the want, every nerve electrified... ready to spend myself on her. More than anything, I needed her to not leave me. Needed her to hold me close—in my bed. Wake up next to me. Stay with me, and never leave. Especially—NOT go to the Wall. The Wall—that magnet of my attentions, my frustrations, my heartaches!

I wanted... for us to share everything, more than ever before, and sensed that Livie was ready too. So it had seemed at lunch that day. So, after my evening bath, I sat on the couch, covered by only a light bath robe, ready to say to Livie: if you ask me, I will give you all of me.

I leaned forward, looking at her, as she sat there in front of me, as she gazed back at me. I have never had sex with anyone before (so different from my too-experienced friends Margot and Jelena). But in that moment, I was ready—trusting her completely.

But then! She told me she was leaving, for Helmstedt, on business, the next day. I felt sick. Livie helped me to bed. I placed her hand on my heart—my breast.

But she did not even kiss my lips. I was almost... hurt. She... left me.

Livie has never hurt me, in all our time as—friends? But I need to know. What do we have? What will we have? What is possible? And what is never to be?

Next week is Livie's birthday. This weekend, I take Livie to Humboldthain Park—in the French sector. I have there a surprise to show her! It will be a beautiful day together. Maybe... maybe we will that day finally settle our beziehungsstatus (relationship status)! I will try again to give myself to Livie.

Now I am at my desk at work. I am processing orders for US troop arrivals, departures and other status changes, mostly of location. In Livie's detachment, one floor down from me on second, they handle training records, certifications, awards, and such as that.

I am also doodling on a note pad with my inky fountain pen... navy blue ink. I write Anja Reary. Then Anja Walena-Reary. Yes! I like that better! Oh! It gives me a thrill in my core! Better than Anja Kullack? I don't know. As Livie would say, What is true love?