The Wall Crossers

Early December - Niels Redux

Anja's perspective

It is the second Saturday in December. I am in my flat. I have not heard from Livie since early yesterday at work, and that is good because I had a dinner date with Niels last evening, and I did not want Livie to know about this.

She must have had some duty, or maybe was tired and needed rest. I will probably hear from her today.

If she shows up and just walks in, as she often does, as she is always welcome to do, I could be in real trouble if she sees this ring. This ring that Niels gave me last night!

I walk to the side window of my parlor, where the winter sunlight streams in. I hold my hand palm-down to catch the light, and the beautiful ring shimmers, the strand of pavé diamonds entwined with a lustrous ribbon of shiny yellow gold. The pavé setting is so pretty, with the shank of the ring lined with these small diamonds. These diamonds are held in place with little prongs somehow—making like a continuous line, with the large stone at the apex of the settings. Oh my god, how I felt when Niels presented it to me in such a formal way, right after dinner.

I had such pressure from Papá to do this dinner. I did not know what to expect. Although Niels had hinted last month that this was coming. And he is to be Asst Consul to East Germany, even though the diplomatic channels are still not formal. He says I could work in West Berlin—for a while.

But, how about Volkswagen? That interesting position in Wolfsburg in February—that Papá had been arranging? Papá has no answer for this dilemma—nor does Niels. How could they?

As always and forever, it is Niels for the head, and Livie for the heart and Horst for the loyal bride-to-be. Which of these is strongest?

I wear my coral ring. Niels saw it last night. He brushed it aside. He, to his thinking, eclipsed the minor stone with the major one! Of course he did!

I hold both hands up to the sunlight. The left ring shines and shouts. The right ring glows and remembers. There is no ring from Horst, but his love is a spiraling path of cairns, marking our journey across the years. When I close my eyes, I see that path stretch behind and ahead of me, a promise planted in the past and growing into the future—a future I've always carried close to my heart. A future now wrapped in doubt?

I think of how Livia and I almost made love two weeks ago. We did not even kiss. But she slept with me, part of the night. Yet left me, during the night. I hold back the kissing. But I would love to spend all night together. Some touching—it is not unrecoverable. I could walk away... if necessity demanded.

We made up over that... that hurt from her Liebesaffäre that nearly destroyed us. But you cannot remove a memory—once it is there in view. At least Livie was repentant—learned her lesson!

I will only wear this ring when I am alone, or with Jelena, of course. That will satisfy her desire to see progress in my life of love... at least a love that is acceptable to her!

It is a mild day. In the late afternoon, I decide to go outside and walk in the neighborhood. I put on my green parka over bell bottom jeans and faded pink cotton shirt, and boots. Just as I step to the sidewalk and look left, I see Livie turning the corner onto my street. She waves at me and I see her smile from two blocks away.

Both rings burn against my skin as I catch sight of Livie's carefree wave, her smile bright and beckoning. My heart leaps, yet panic tugs at the edges of my thoughts. Without thinking, I shove my hands deeper into my parka pockets, my fingers brushing the cool fabric of the gloves tucked within. A surge of relief. For now, the truth can remain hidden—both the ring on my finger and the weight of what it signifies. As Livie approaches, I draw a breath and brace myself, wondering if I can ever truly keep the collision of these two worlds from destroying both.