The Wall Crossers

Feb 1972 - Olivia - South Park NC - Everyone has Vanished

Olivia's perspective

It is February and I am working in North Carolina, living with my parents and sister. I am a civilian once again—my Army days are behind me.

As soon as I arrived home from Berlin, in late January, I tried to reach them—the ones I left behind. I did. I tried!

I had no way to reach Geena, did not even know her full name. At least she did tell me Goodbye, that morning. And it must have been Geena who saved me from Patrizia. She was probably that friend who Patrizia said had interceded on my behalf!

I wrote a letter addressed to Leida Offenbrücke, in care of (to be reached at) Burda Moden. Just this week, I received a reply from Janine, of Burda, whom I had talked with in early January by phone, but her note informed me that Leida had left the magazine, with no forwarding address given. I was dumfounded, devastated.

I knew my dad would not want to pay for a telephone call to Europe. Not on his trucker's income. Despite this, I did make a call and decided I would reimburse him for this call once he received his bill from the local phone company. I called via operators to reach an operator covering Ohlsbach, Germany, as I had done once before, to reach Elisabeta Dalca. But the last operator in the chain informed me there is no such listing for that person in that town. I was dismayed.

I did not recall Maren's last name. But I wrote a letter addressed to her in care of SGT Jerry Ellis in our Air Ministry location. I never got a response.

I had no way to contact Jelena, or Monika, or Niels.

I knew that Anja was likely living now somewhere in Frankfurt, but I had no knowledge beyond that and her father's name. I did not consider trying to call them, for obvious reasons. However, she had told me Elke of our work office would have her forwarding address. So I wrote to Elke Lehmann at her Air Ministry location. As of today, I still have not heard back from Elke.

Why did Elke never speak to me in those days when Anja was missing and before she and I were reunited? Why did Elke avoid me when I went by her desk at work? And why was that blue stone on her desk that day, and when she noticed that I saw it, she covered it with her hand? Why did Elke do that?

Where is Leida? Will she try to come here to find me? Maren would have access to my records (maybe). She could find this home address in America (possibly). She could have Leida write me here! Hmm. Maybe they truly hate me now.

Is Leida pregnant? I don't know for sure. She suspected it. I... don't believe it was possible... for us. So... probably, No?

Everyone has vanished.

One night, it is very late, and I am alone in bed, in the bedroom of my childhood. Geena's face comes into my mind, and I remember something she said, about the Druk blue stone she had given me. She had said, It is cherished possession. I only give you because...

I had not let her finish her sentence. Was this because the drugs muddled my mind? Why did she give me such a valued gift?

I get out of bed, turn on a bedside lamp, go into the closet and fetch out my Army satchel, sit on the floor, open it, dig around, find the stone, stare at it.

Why would Geena give me such a precious thing, and then simply tell me, Goodbye... I will never forget you? It doesn't make any sense. Unless I just think like this, Geena was a Bhutanese flower child. She spread love like throwing beautiful flowers into a crowd and whoever would catch one would have her love—for a fleeting moment.

This makes me feel devastated for some reason—so incredibly lonely.

The next day I drive to the public library and pull a World Atlas from the stack. I search the maps for Bhutan, find it, trace my finger around its borders, close the book, look away out the window to see all the people driving by, living their lives, never having been to war, never having been given a Druk blue stone, and I ponder that stone and that country for a long long time. I think about suchness, until I have a growing feeling in my head like mind-blown from the acid trip returning again. I swallow a couple of times to try to push it down. I bring my hands to my head and press to try and recover my evaporating sanity.

I walk fast to the front desk and tell the brunette lady with her glasses hanging on a chain against her chest, "I don't feel well." She says, "Should I call an ambulance?" She stands from her desk, crinkles lines of worry appearing in the corners of her eyes. I say, "No, but..."

She stares at me, waiting.

"... No, but... but everyone... everyone has vanished!"

Later that night, when I have recovered, I am again thinking, and I remember this that Geena had told me, No one... no one, ever!... has entered into my last room. The room where my true dragon's heart lies, waiting. My jarim room—the most beautiful. No one.

And I realize—she was not a flower child. She simply gave herself to me and now I'll never know why.