I get out of the car. I reach in and pull out my travel bag, waving to Jimmy. I step onto the curb. I look to my watch: 10:45-- Ach, mensch!
As I close the door and turn, I hear the thunder of a jet rising, look up, and see the NY-bound Pan Am 747 clearing the buildings, climbing. I am too late. I stand there watching as Jimmy drives away.
I am stunned and prepare myself for bursting into tears, which is what I do.
But... I don't... not this time.
And the reason I do not cry is this—talking with Jimmy made me realize: each of us is harter typ (tough guy), and we are all each empfindlich (tender) as well. I had the stars of the Eastern sky in my eyes, for Horst, for so so long. So long that I lost my way. But Livie, because she loved me, supported me even in times of fear, like that night at the Wall—Livie brought me to this place. Not a place of loss (I watch Livie's jet go faster, rising, disappearing). But to a place of strength. Because, if you know what you want, you will find it. You will make it happen. And that is being strong. And I know what I want. Ja, ich wissen! (Oh Yes, I know!)
I can see now what will happen, what must happen. Livie will out-process from Army tomorrow in NJ. I will spend the day planning a trip to US.
First thing in the morgen (morning) I will go to my workplace. Talk with my supervisor, Chief Warrant Officer Baudoine d'Ajou. US Army leaders love a story of victory! I must make my East Berlin story such a story—of victory. Not a visit, a mission! Not a defeat... not just loss of Horst, which is tragedy. Nein. A victory. Ja. I went boldly to the East, and I accomplished my mission—respect for the fallen, and closure for me. All true!
And this part of my victory: I withstood the assault of the Stasi—the dreaded secret police. They did not break me, like so many have been broken, before me. I am harter typ!
And I gained the attention of my Government—the highest level! They negotiated for me. I am a person of value to my Country—Bundesrepublik Deutschland!! They brought me back into themselves—and for 2 days, I gave them valuable information—about the interrogations of the East—the organization there—the hardships. I was clear and calm, practical and useful. My rescuers... are professionals. They pave a way for me, for now, and future... my person and, Yes, my career! I am harter typ!
I am dangerous! The East—they beg that I never return there again! I am harter typ!
My Country—they gave me a position of importance, they said, "Fräulein Walena, sie können überall hingehen. Wir bleiben in kontakt." ("Miss Walena, you can go anywhere. We'll be in touch."). I am harter typ!
Ja, meine geschichte handelt vom sieg! (Yes, my story is one of victorious success). Although... I am so sad for Horst and his family. But what we had—it was never real. And his family... they knew almost none of it.
I have my passport. My Supervisor will allow me to travel for a few days, oder vielleicht für immer! (or maybe forever!). I smile, laughing to myself at this! Imagining two wives making bread, or picking tomatoes from their garten, or whatever girls do in North Carolina. (Do they ride horses, or cars? They have cars... of course!) Or, maybe we will get jobs working in records for US Government in Washington DC! Ja! I like that. Or, she and I will just come back home here to West Berlin and wait for the Wall to fall flat—was es sein wird (which it will)—some day, maybe soon!
I have savings. Thanks in part to Papá. Oh, Papá—he vill not like this. Oh no. Papá was not waiting for me today only because I had told Herr Stegel, the envoy, that my parents were dead (it is half true). If Papá had known about all this? That would have changed everysing. He would have taken me to Frankfurt! Mensch. What would I do then? That would be worse than the Stasi.
I will convert currency at Tempelhof. I will collect my papers—again! I will take a trip. Yes. To US. In two days' time. I may get to Livie's home before she does. Ha! Because I will also do something very very schlau (smart)! While in the office tomorrow, I will look at Livie's personnel records—of course I will! And I will get her US home address from those records!
And why will I be doing all of ziss? Because I am loving. I am loved. I am in love. Because... I am empfindlich!
And one more thing I will do, since I am harter typ! I will scold my darling Livie for not waiting for me! For making me chase her around the world! I will give her ein stück meiner meinung nach! (a piece of my mind!). And then I will give her all the rest of me.
Ja, this is a good plan. What could go wrong? Livie is on that plane. Where else could she be?
YOU ARE READING
The Wall Crossers
Non-FictionStep into the captivating world of "The Wall Crossers," a spellbinding tale set against the backdrop of Cold War-era West Berlin in 1971 and 1972 to the latter half of the 21st century, from Berlin to Bhutan. This narrative weaves together the lives...
