The Wall Crossers

Prenuptials with Clarence

Olivia's perspective

I put on my coat and walk back across the compound to my barracks, through the hall, up the stairs, into my room. I take off my coat, throwing it on the footlocker, and fall across my bunk, still wearing boots, leggings, and shirtdress. I have a light cami under the dress, as before. I turn over on my back facing the ceiling. I close my eyes. The room door is open, and I leave it. Clarence must have either hung back to close up and lock the JAG's study, or else got sidetracked, or else is not coming up. Though my eyes are closed, I can see bright light shining in on me—coming into the room from the hall, through the open door.

It is over with Anja. But the worst part, is now I know how things really are, and Anja even told me herself—it was Leida. She was the one for me, all along. But we started out so wrong. She wronged me. But things changed. And even though she wanted New York, she... wanted me too. I can see that now.

That she told Maren she wants to have a child with me—that is like... crazy! It was all about her career, all along. Why would she possibly have interrupted her career for me?

I never met Anja's father. But Leida worked it out, with hers, and he accepted me.

Now the tears come—tears for Leida, and a love, a child, we'll never have. They are heavy tears, but I place my hands over my face, so my anguish is muffled.

I notice through my closed eyes the room darkens. I open my eyes and squint, looking to the doorway. Clarence stands there, leaning against the frame, gazing at me on the bed. I did not hear the stairwell door. He must have come in from the other end of the building.

With my hands now at my sides, I look up to the ceiling. I am snuffling audibly. I close my eyes again.

Clarence closes the door, walks to the chair and sits in it, facing the ambient-night-light-glow of West Berlin filtering through the window. He did not turn on the room light.

I turn my head to the right, eyes open again, and see him—staring out the window, silently. I turn my head back toward the ceiling and close my eyes.

After moments go by, Clarence whispers, "Crying for Anja?"

I wait a moment, and then whisper, "No."

More moments go by in silence. Clarence clears his throat, and asks, though still softly, "What will you do now?"

I breathe in deeply, shift my body on the bunk, reply, "ETS (depart the Army)."

"And then?"

"CONUS (Continental United States—i.e. go home)."

After moments go by, Clarence blows air, says, "We will take care of you, Olivia."

Still not moving, eyes closed, I reply, "You're just using me. I don't care about the dishonorable, Clarence."

"It follows you... always."

"If you can help me avoid it, do it. Don't try to..."

"We are offering you something more than just... don't you see that?"

Now I turn my head, still on my pillow, to look at Clarence, saying, "Huh?"

"You pea-brain candy ass."

"Shut up, Clarence." I turn my head to the ceiling again, but leave my eyes open. I can tell he was smiling when he called me that. But what's the point? Post-hearing, I am leaving.

Clarence, now turns to look at me, says, in an imploring but honeyed voice, "We are two beautiful people. We're asking you to be part of... our family. I'm trusting you with someone I... that I love more than..."