i seem to forget that i have this book sometimes
i use my message board more to rant than this rant book, heh..
uh.. i talked about this already on my message board but i can't stop thinking about it
i think that maybe i'm the problem. i'm why i'm still single. i'm why i am the way i am. it's me
it's always been me
but this is one problem i don't know how to fix
i'm too insecure about myself. i'm too dependent on others. i'm too lazy. i think i'm annoying sometimes. i have high standards. i'm too nice to people when i don't need to be. i give too many chances. i get attached too easily then get depressed when they leave me. i've got so many things wrong with me that i don't know how to fix
i don't get how people like me sometimes. i sometimes don't feel qualified to give people advice when i can't even get my own fucking life together. when i can't help myself. i've got nothing going for me. no job. not going to school. not losing weight like i should be
i try to be there for other people then shut down when i need help. i don't wanna bother people with my problems but at the same time, i want someone to notice that i'm not okay. that i need help sometimes. i've been trying to stay strong and fight through everything but i'm just.. i'm tired, tbh. i wake up with little to no energy. i've cried more than i thought i'd cry. i used to be happy. i used to be okay. what happened to me..?
why can't that old me come back?
sometimes, i wish i didn't care about anything. just be numb to everything. feel absolutely nothing. shut myself out from everyone and disappear without telling people. stay to myself and never open up to anyone. not give anyone the chance to get to know me
but i know i can't do that. i can't just not care. i can't be numb. i can't shut myself from everyone. i can't stay to myself forever. i can't do these things. all i can do is rant about it. tell people about these things
i'm tired and haven't even eaten dinner yet. i might eat and then go to sleep
