i feel like the title of this book is very misleading at times
especially now, when i'm not at all fine
i'm not okay
i was told something yesterday that made my heart sink
and to that friend if you see this, thank you for telling me. i really do appreciate that
but it kinda feels like my time was wasted
and that's not a nice feeling
it sucks when it feels like all the time and effort you put into someone or something doesn't seem to matter in the end
it sucks when you finally start to open your heart up to someone just for things to backfire
i really don't wanna open my heart up anymore
to anyone
like ever
i feel like i should be used to these kinds of things not working out
relationships never last and having any feelings for someone doesn't always work out
so it's like i should be numb to it
i shouldn't feel hurt
i should just get over it
...but i can't
not right now, i can't
feeling numb wouldn't do much for me, but it would be nice to feel nothing rn
i keep hoping for something that's obviously not gonna happen anytime soon
so why keep hoping?
why keep my heart open to anyone if it's not gonna work?
shutting down and never opening my heart up again seems like it would be a better solution because i wouldn't ever set myself up or be set up for failure
...but i know that's not the solution..
sigh...
