youngblood | a.i.

twenty six || pinky promise

Friday, October 16th- 8:26 p.m.

All I had received from Ashton over the past week was radio silence.

When Luke and Calum bothered me about what had happened that weekend, I didn't even have an answer to give them. At practice and games, it was like nothing happened. He played on the field like I was another team member, not like the girl he'd woken up next to multiple times now. He didn't try to talk to me after that, or even text me. He played his games and ran his practices and went home like nothing was happening.

Part of it bothered the living hell out of me- I wanted to know what I did- but the other part of me couldn't be bothered to care. A part of me had grown attached to our hatred for each other, so the lack of communication in all forms hurt. I just wanted to know what I had done so maybe I could fix it- that way we could go back to just hating each other, not this weird tension that laid between us. But I didn't try to do anything about it.

He already fucked up any chance he would have had of me trusting him- he'd lost the entire match already, all three games ending in a checkmate- so I went on with my life as if nothing had ever happened between us.

And that led me to the roof on yet another Friday night. I wanted to drink, forget the ache I had inside to feel that contentment I'd felt only around him, but I stopped myself for some reason or another.

I wasn't sure why I didn't crave that burn like I used to, but right now I craved him more than anything. I craved the way he hated me. I craved the way he fired back snarky comments at every one of mine. I craved the way I got that burning sensation of pure hatred inside me when I was around him. I craved everything about him.

But that was a craving I couldn't fulfill.

I leaned against the siding, thinking about the last thing I had said to him as I got out of his car.

× × ×

The entire ride home was silent, neither one of us daring to speak. I spent most of it looking out the window, thinking over what had happened. When my house finally came into view, I unbuckled, already prepared to push open the door and jump out. He stopped when he reached my driveway, holding the break as he looked over at me. I already pushed the door open, starting to crawl out.

"I'm sorry," he spoke from behind me.

When my feet landed on solid ground, I turned back to face him. Every ounce of anger I had ever felt for him overflowed in that moment. "Don't fucking apologize. Don't act like you can feel remorse," I viciously spat back, slamming the door before he could respond.

× × ×

I probably shouldn't have let my anger get the best of me, but in that moment, I was pissed at him. Telling him the night before about why I did the kiss-thumb thing when pinky promising was a stupid small start to me trusting him. It was something about me only Luke and Calum knew. It was a part of me I'd let slip and trusted him with- something I never intended to do.

But then the next morning when he'd shifted back to the Ashton who had let me get assaulted, that slim bit of trust I subconsciously started to grow died. But it wasn't my fault. It was his, and if he didn't care to fix it, neither did i.

When I said I never let anyone in cause all they do is hurt me, this is what I meant.

I sat with a can of Dr. Pepper in hand, watching as the sun cascaded down over the horizon- the only constant in my life. I sat in silence, my thoughts being too loud for any other sounds to register around me. It stayed like that until I registered the feeling of my phone vibrating from my pocket. As I fell back to reality, the sound of it ringing filled my ears, pushing my thoughts to the back burner. I dug my phone from my pocket, feeling it vibrate as I lifted it into view.