youngblood | a.i.

sixty three || i resign

Saturday, November 7th- 3:26 a.m.

| "I Resign" | a phrase used by a
player to admit defeat

× Ashton ×

"Luke put me on the line for himself?" Auni asked through the occasional voice crack from emotion.

I hated that I had to tell her this way. She deserved so much better, but she also deserved to know- so here we are.

"I mean, I did too," I defended him, running my hands across my face after having recited that whole night to her. "It wasn't just him."

"I knew you did," she quickly said back, just as quiet as before. "I just didn't think Luke would do that to me."

"He's been burying more secrets than either of us for a long time," I whispered, knowing more than she ever would.

She just sat still, shaking her head in a lack of words. "I don't even know what to say anymore."

"Just know I'm sorry, Angel," I told her out of impulse, knowing at least she was listening this time around. "I don't know if you'll ever forgive me but just know I'm sorry."

"Were you ever gonna tell me?" she asked back, pulling her knees up to her chest under the covers.

I nodded, and it was the truth. "I wanted to, Auni. I just didn't know how. I never thought it would truly get this deep and that I'd learn all the demons you were fighting but it did. Now I know how hard it is for you to trust anyone and I couldn't bring myself to hurt yet another person I loved. I couldn't bring myself to ruin the small trace of love you were starting to believe in. I wanted to tell you before you ever decided to sleep with me, but I could never find a good time. I promised myself I would be the one to tell you, cause at least that way you know it's all the truth since you did trust me at one point... but Andrew set that whole thing up and then you lost trust and I've just been fighting for it back since then."

"If you hadn't had the deadline, would you have ever told me?" she asked again, wrapping her arms around her knees for comfort.

"I wanted to tell you from the start, Angel. It was eating me alive but I didn't know how to tell you without risking losing you. We've already been over the fact I was selfish back then, but that was before you became my whole world and I began caring more about you than myself," I explained to her, leaning against the footboard for support. "As soon as I would have told you or called it off, I would have lost you."

She nodded lightly, acknowledging that she'd heard me but not believing me.

"You remember that night I called you drunk? The 16th- that night we kissed?" I asked, hoping if I admitted the truth to her, maybe she'd believe me one day.

She nodded, sighing out a "yeah" as she thought back to it.

"I'd drank that night because I wanted to stop the thoughts. I told you that, and I told you that you were the thoughts I wanted to stop," I remembered, laying out the start for my confession. "I wasn't lying... I'd called Luke that night, barely a week into the bet, begging him to let me take it back, and he wouldn't let me."

She just looked away from me at my words, slowly realizing Luke truly was burying more secrets than me. She shook her head, her bun in her hair barely hanging on by a thread as she did.

"That morning you said you woke up to me and Luke fighting, I was begging him to let us forget about it, so I'd have more time to tell you the right way," I continued. "Luke refused. He's protective over you but he cared more about his freedom from me than he did about how much this was going to hurt you. I even offered him to just do whatever he wanted but let me stay with you and explain everything but he refused. He knew it was going to hurt you, Angel, and I wish he had just let me save you from it."