youngblood | a.i.

forty five || the bridge between pain and pleasure*

Friday, October 30th- 10:26 p.m.

And lastly, we rolled around to the final song- my song.

Track Sixteen Satellite
Nickelback
And that brings us to your song, Angel. Every time I think of you, I think of this song. I think of that night in my room. I think of how you're my whole world, my revolving point. I think about how I never want to let you go cause I know I'll get lost in space. Auni, you're my world, and I hope you'll trust me enough one day to let me be your satellite.

Ash, I hated how I trusted you with my everything in that moment, but I didn't know how to prove it to you.

I looked down at the drawing, humming the lyrics to myself as the music played through the headphones. "Dance around this room, I'll be your satellite" was scrawled on one side of it, "Dance with me 'round the moon, you and I every night" on the other.

I thought back to our stupid promises and how he'd confessed to me that night that he truly did care- that I was his whole world, the object keeping him grounded. I'd sung the lyric back to him to say the same thing and hoped he'd understood what I meant.

That last line, when I had sung "I'll be your satellite" back, it was my way of explaining that I wanted to be his satellite too, that he was my world too. I'm guessing he didn't quite-

"Angel."

My eyes shot up at the faint voice pushing through the headphones. I pulled them off, clicking the pause button and folding back up the letter. He stood in the doorway, a stupid smile on his face as I tried to hide my guilty one.

"What happened to waiting to read it?" he asked.

I looked back down to the letter, obvious to me that he had seen me reading it, and knew I had read it all. I slowly unfolded it as he walked towards me on the bed.

"You know you're my satellite, right?" I spoke before thinking.

It was the one of the parts that I had been truly itching to talk about. He deserved to know I trusted him, even if I didn't know how to explain it with real words quite yet.

Trust has been a scary topic for me since the beginning. He understood how hard it was for me to give my all to someone after what had happened to me, and he especially understood how hard it was to give myself up to the person who had let it happen.

But over this past month, I'd seen such insane growth within him. Even in his song, he admitted how he liked who he was with me- that he wanted to be the man he thought I deserved. And although I hated the idea of him changing himself for me, I also understood he was doing it for himself too.

He'd explained how he's relied on alcohol too because of the people he surrounded himself with. He hated that he did it. He thought it would make him his father, but when he slowly stopped drinking, he said the reason was me.

I wasn't changing him, I was giving him the motivation to be who he wanted to be.

"You trust me like that?" he asked back, moving to sit so he facing me on the bed. He leaned back against the footboard, one leg bent on the bed, the other still dangling off.

I didn't know what to say. The simple answer was yes, but my vocal cords couldn't admit that out loud yet. I couldn't say no cause that wasn't true. I wished for just one moment I wasn't as broken as I was, so I could explain my emotions in words. But I was broken and I didn't know how to form it into words.

"I hate how much I trust you, Ashton."

I finally got some form of words out, my eyes slowly moving from the paper up to his. His smile was barely visible, but he'd found some happiness in the twisted words I was able to find.