Not Her

14. Discoveries ...

Bhaskar's foot tapped impatiently on the marble floor of their living room, as trepidation bugged his head. Khusi had went into the washroom with 4 pregnancy test kits more than half an hour ago, and yet he hadn't got any kind of signal from her.

Unable to wait any longer, he pushed himself on his feet and strode towards the washroom door, his knuckles in air on the verge on knocking, when the door clicked opened.

Bhaskar's heartbeat accelerated at soon as he saw a blank faced Khusi stepping out. It was harder to gorge anything from her reactions.

"Negative." Khusi held out all the four test kits for Bhaskar to see and his face fell, his hopes crushing.

Khusi had stopped taking the pills 3 months ago, and they had been trying since then. Bhaskar had bought tons of test kits for her to check every week. But up until now, the results were only negative.

When Khusi decided to bear a child, she wanted to get done with it as soon as possible. Prolonging the whole procedure of doing something, where her heart and brain wasn't involved 100%, would have perturbrated her more, if they had to take a baby two or three years later.

The disappointment and gloominess on Bhaskar's face had caused her misery too. She wanted him to be happy, but unfortunately, his happiness lied with that one thing, she was against.

"Do you think we should talk to a gynaecologist?" Bhaskar suggested, as soon as Khusi sat beside him on the daybed. It wasn't like Khusi hadn't given it a thought. They had been practicing unprotected sex every night, since the last 3 months. Under normal circumstances, she should be pregnant by now.

"I will fix the appointment then." Bhaskar walked out, passing a thinned lip smile to Khusi. She was genuinely hurt that Bhaskar was getting too much involved in having a baby. He had changed, slightly. Not asking about her day, or doing the small things which used to make her heart flutter.

*******

Khusi bit her nails nervously as she sat on the chair beside Bhaskar, waiting for her gynae, Dr. Ranjik Hoskeri to make his appearance. Bhaskar, whose right leg was continuously bouncing in worry, heaved a long tired sigh. They were at the Doctor's chamber for almost half a day.

Wishing to comfort Bhaskar, Khusi interlocked her fingers with his, as Bhaskar's eyes snapped towards her, his face blank but eyes solicitous. He eyed their hand, before gently unlocking it and patted her knuckles, trying to consoling her.

The door clicked opened behind them as Dr. Ranjik strolled inside, a bunch of papers in his hand.

"Doctor ... ?" Bhaskar's voice held an underlying fear as he leaned towards the desk, Khusi's heartbeat accelerating.

"Mrs. Goswami, before handing you over the reports, I wanna ask, how often do you menstruate? Is it regular, or do you miss sometimes?"

Khusi licked her lips in nervousness. She had this problem since her teens. Irregular periods. She often didn't use to have periods for straight 3 months, and then she would suddenly start bleeding one day. Khusi never bothered to check with a doctor.

"Irregular," she whispered, and Bhaskar eyed her.

"Hmm, okay. You might want to check this now." The Doctor handed over an envelope to Khusi, and she quickly tore it, her stomach churning in anxiety.

"POI?"

"Yes, Primary Ovarian Insufficiency." Bhaskar ears peaked at the Doctor's words and he scrunched his eyebrows. At the baffled looks on the couple's face, Dr. Ranjik continued.

"It's like early menopause. Your body isn't producing and releasing enough eggs regularly. That's why you have such huge gaps in your menstrual cycles and facing troubles getting pregnant."

Bhaskar's pulse quickened and Khusi's palms started sweating. Both for different reasons. She was worried that her body might get affected internally for this, developing infections. But Bhaskar was worried that he might had to face more problems to make his wife pregnant.

"Can it affect my healt ... " Before Khusi could finish her query, Bhaskar interrupted.

"Can this lead to infertility?" Dr. Ranjik eyes widened at the sharp tone of Bhaskar's, but he sighed nonetheless.

"Unfortunately yes."

Khusi gasped, and Bhaskar's eyed widened, his body falling back on the chair, his head turning blank. Only one word echoed in his head.

Infertile.

Khusi was infertile.

*******

"Pack your bags." Bhaskar ordered Khusi as soon as they returned from a tour from one of famous fertility centers in Bangalore. They had consulted more than 7 Gynaecologists in Bangalore, and none of them had given them any ray of hope.

It can not be treated.

IVF won't work.

Sorry, Mr. Goswami. There's nothing when can do.

Khusi's steps halted at his absurd demand as she turned back to glare at Bhaskar. She was tired of running from one hospital to another, consulting one doctor to another for the last 5 months. She had visibly lost weight due to stress.

"Let me take some rest Bhaskar," she groaned, shaking her her head as Khusi maneuvered towards their bedroom.

"Tomorrow, we're leaving for Delhi. I talked with one of my friends and he had suggested me one of the best Doctors there."

"Hmm," Khusi hummed, visibly disturbed with Bhaskar's obsession with getting Khusi pregnant. Her life had turned upside down since the day Dr. Ranjik declared her infertile, 5 months ago.

They hadn't shared the news with either of their families, or that's what Khusi didn't. She wasn't sure whether Bhaskar hadn't too.

A change was clearly visible in him. He rarely cared about Khusi now, staying on his laptop most of the time he was home, looking for ways to treat infertility or how to make a woman pregnant, even when she was infertile.

They didn't stop having sex, but Khusi didn't enjoy it anymore. Bhaskar only cared about dropping his seeds in her womb and not about her pleasures. They often did it more than once a day, leaving Khusi agitated and tired.

*******

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