Surviving - Rewritten

Chapter Twenty - The Light Behind Your Eyes

Cassandra Blake

After school, Cassie decided that she needed to talk to Becky again. The morning hadn't gone well at all, and as much as Cassie wanted to tell Becky everything, she couldn't bring herself to relive it.

Cassie had stayed in school against her better judgement, but as soon as it ended, she walked in the direction of Becky's house. She had once walked to her house with her before heading home so she remembered where she lived. Becky was the first person to ever show Cassie kindness since her mother had died, and she wasn't going to forget that.

Becky had looked extremely skinny when Cassie saw her, to the point where she was scared. Cassie also noticed that her eyes looked so dull now, much like how Cassie saw herself. All the life seemed to have disappeared from the girl that once seemed so full of energy.

Cassie wasn't sure if this was because of her disappearing (she doubted she had that much of an impact on Becky or anyone really) but she still decided that she would tell Becky everything if that meant they could be friends again. She was scared of her nightmares becoming worse and of having another panic attack, but she would tell her if she had to. She would do anything for Becky, she just hadn't realised earlier how much damage no explanation would cause.

As Cassie speed-walked towards Becky's house, it became much colder and storm clouds were slowly forming in the sky. Cassie felt like something was wrong but pushed that thought away as she walked faster towards the house.

She frowned as she saw a blonde-haired boy walk into the house as she approached it. Cassie was sure that this must be Stefan as it met his description perfectly. She almost didn't go any further, but she heard a terrified scream come from inside the house. She was only a few houses away, but the scream was loud enough to be heard from miles away. Cassie started running and went into the house uninvited.

"Shit, Becky please wake up" she heard from upstairs. Cassie followed where the voice had come from only to stop when she saw a body on the floor of one of the upstairs bedrooms.

"Fuck" she muttered, making the blonde-haired boy, or Stefan she assumed jump.

"Who are you?" He asked, accusingly as if she had personally cut Becky's wrists.

Cassie swallowed, feeling the familiar anxiety. "C-Cassie. I'm a friend of Becky's. Have you called an ambulance?"

"No, not yet" he said, before trying to get his phone out of his pocket.

Cassie walked towards Becky and grabbed a blanket from the bed, putting it on her arms. She hoped to stop the bleeding as much as possible, although looking at the almost empty bottle of alcohol and the sick on the floor Cassie figured bleeding wasn't Becky's only problem. Still, it was the only way Cassie could really help.

Cassie had seen blood plenty of times before in her life and she had been sick due to countless beatings, panic-attacks, and nightmares. Still, when it was her friend in this condition it felt much worse. It hurt more than any physical or emotional pain Cassie had ever had to endure. Her heart broke as she held the broken girl in front of her.

-

One day later, Cassie returned to the hospital where she had spent far too much time recently. She had been forced to go home the night before due to stupid visiting hours, but Cassie wouldn't be away from Becky for too long. Not again.

This time, Becky was lying awake on the bed with needles and tubes everywhere. Still though, she was alive and conscious which was better than yesterday. The cuts were now wrapped in fresh bandages and they had at least been cleaned.

"H-how are you feeling?" Cassie stuttered awkwardly. She doubted that Becky even wanted her there, but she was determined to make it up to her.

"Better. Thank you, Ellie and dad told me that it was you and Stefan who found me. They said if I had been left till, they came home I might have died" Becky said with watery eyes.

"Please, don't ever do that again. You are the most amazing person I know and I'm so sorry that you felt that low"

Becky shrugged "I am sorry, but I really just felt so fed up with everything. I didn't mean to go that far, I- I'm not, I don't want to die. That was never my intention"

Cassie felt her eyes water, but she tried to blink away tears. This wasn't about her. Instead, she carefully wrapped her arms around Becky, trying to avoid the tubes. When she let go, she took a deep breathe. "So, the reason I wasn't in school is because I was in hospital for a while and got moved to a care home. M-my dad abused me. I don't feel like I can say more than that. I'm so sorry Becky for not trying more to get in touch with you"

Becky's eyes widened in horror as she stared at Cassie in shock. "I'm so sorry. Shit, god I am such a horrible person. I never even imagined that - God I'm so sorry Cassie. All I've thought about recently is myself, I never even would have thought that you were going through something so awful"

"Don't be silly" Cassie replied, shaking her head. "You clearly have a lot going on, and you shouldn't be ashamed of thinking about yourself. What you should do though, is make sure that the thoughts you are having are good. I don't know what led to this, and from now on I will always be here for you. But you need to look after yourself Becky, and one of the first steps in that is liking yourself" Cassie said, knowing full well that she was a hypocrite considering she hated herself. Still, Becky was beautiful, smart, and kind and she should like herself.

Becky began to cry "I-I just feel so lost sometimes. It just feels like no one cares and lately, I just, I mean I know all my problems are stupid and childish, you probably think I'm an idiot, I mean you've been through- "

"Don't finish that sentence. Our problems may be different, but it doesn't mean that either are worse than the other. Don't compare them, you are allowed to be upset or angry"

"When did you get so wise?" Becky asked, raising her eyebrows.

Cassie shrugged. "I don't know. On another note, how are things with Stefan? He looked utterly distraught when we found you"

Becky's face dropped and Cassie instantly regretted speaking.

"He- I- He's been talking about a girl he likes, and I've been avoiding him. I don't know why he was there honestly. Wait, why where you there?"

"Well, after school I went to yours and I heard someone scream so I kind of just went in uninvited. Sorry" Cassie responded sheepishly.

"Don't be sorry, you two saved my life. I guess I'm going to have to speak to him soon. That will be awkward"

"Well, if its any consolation he obviously cares about you. Like I said he looked distraught, and, in the ambulance, he said you were his girlfriend so that he could go with you. I just said we were sisters"

"He just cares about me as a friend" Becky dismissed it. "I doubt he will ever be able to look at me romantically after seeing me covered in my own sick and blood" she said with a groan.

"You never know" Cassie laughed, and just like that the two seemed to be friends again.