Surviving - Rewritten

Chapter Twenty Two - Sober

Rebecca Taylor

All that Becky felt was guilt as her dad stared at her. He had barely spoken a word to her since he had seen her in hospital, and it made Becky slightly wish that no one had found her. That was, however, a stupid thought because Becky didn't want to go anywhere. She had a whole life ahead of her and there were so many things that she wanted to do.

She only had two more days left in hospital as they were observing her due to her been severely underweight. They had got rid of all the alcohol in her system and her arms had fresh bandages on and were starting to heal. Some of the cuts had stiches as they were that deep.

"Why would you do this to us again Becky? You promised" her dad questioned, finally breaking the silence.

Becky frowned, feeling her eyes water. "Dad, I don't mean this badly, but this wasn't because of you. I didn't do this to you, I'm really sorry that I hurt you by it, but at the time I wasn't thinking straight. I'm sorry"

Her dad sighed "Becky, you can't deal with your problems like this. You are going to end up killing yourself, please just try and take care of yourself a bit more. You will be eighteen soon, I will always be there for you, but I can't always look after you"

"I know dad, and I want to get better, but it doesn't happen overnight"

"I know that Becky, but I thought you were getting better. I thought that this was a fresh start, what happened?"

She didn't know what had happened, but she knew that she had never properly recovered in the first place. She hated eating, she hated looking at her reflection and she hated herself. She had become significantly more depressed in the last couple of months due to Lucinda's death and the fact that she had isolated herself completely. "I don't know dad" she muttered, not wanting to go into detail about the truth. She had never got better in the first place; she had just pretended that she had.

"I think that you should try counselling" her dad said with a sigh.

Becky frowned, unsure and still scared of the idea. Counsellors were always pushy and annoying. Still though, she wanted to get better, and she wanted him to be happy so she shrugged and said "okay"

Her dad smiled sadly at her "We will get through this Becks. I'm sorry if I'm being too hard on you, I just worry"

"I know dad, and I really am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt anyone"

Her dad hugged her again and Becky couldn't help but feel even more guilty when she realised that he was crying.

-

Later that day, Ellie was sat in the same chair her dad had sat in, crying as well. They hadn't been as close in the last few months due to Ellie been constantly busy with uni assignments and her new girlfriend, Belle.

Becky felt her heart break a bit more, frustrated that she was causing so much sadness. She felt like the guilt was going to suffocate her.

Finally, Ellie stopped crying "I'm sorry I've not made as much time for you recently"

Becky rolled her eyes "it's not your fault Ellie, or dad's or anyone's for that matter. I was just been an idiot, and I'm going to get better"

"That's what you said last time though"

Becky rolled her eyes again. She already felt guilty, she didn't need everyone adding to it. They shouldn't be guilt tripping her, and even though she hated the fact that she hurt them, this wasn't about them. "I'm sorry" she said, despite her thoughts.

"No, wait I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that it's just that, I should have paid more attention and -

"Stop, this wasn't your fault. I'm sorry that it happened, but I'm already feeling better, and I'm going to get counselling. Please can we just talk about anything else?"

Ellie nodded and wiped away her tears again "okay, I'm sorry. Who was that boy that found you anyway? I didn't know that you had a boyfriend" she teased.

Becky rolled her eyes and filled her in on how he was now her boyfriend and how she had been so jealous of the girl he had been talking about, which had turned out to be her.

Ellie laughed "god you're so oblivious Becky, that's the most cliché thing that I have ever heard. I'm glad that things worked out though, you can tell that he really cares about you. He looked about ready to fight us when he had to go home the other night"

Becky laughed as well, and just like that, everything was back to normal again as they talked about their new partners.