The Indecent Proposal.

30__indiviuality.

Raynaa POV.

I ambled inside house, shivered as my feets touched the cold tiles. "Nina!" Zafar yelled, to my left. A young women came out of kitchen wiping her hands, nevervously with her shawl. She reflected my past years. The slave I have been to unknown people.
She took my suitcase and dragged it to the left door beside the living room.
I heard Zafar leaving.
"WHERE IS HE?" I asked, I wasn't curious. I was just numb. It's been years since I have voiced what in my heart, I feel like I have been mute for all these years.
"He will definitely come Rayna" I couldn't help but chuckle at his words.

"You told me the same thing years before and we both know what happened." I seethed.

"He wasn't wrong before, and he isn't doing anything that's erroneous." My blood boiled hearing him, I thought only Izad has the power to make me lose my calm but maybe I was wrong.
He literally has the audacity to defend Izad. "Don't look me like that, look above your shit, Rayna, You'll know what he has been through"

"I'm the one, who survived abuse and lost my daughter. "

"And he's the one whose taking the responsibility of your suffering, eventhough there is nothing to blame him for" I was about to burst at him, when he raised him hand in air. "I don't care if it wasn't pleasing to hear. It was the truth. So stop accusing Izad if he tries to isolate and assemble his own shit."

"NEITHER DO I WANT HIM. TELL HIM TO NEVER LOOK BACK AT ME." My screams did nothing to Zafar as he walked out of the door.

There's always going to be a hollowness and pain inside me, was there anything worse than losing a child. My daughter came to this world, stayed with me till my worst time and left, as if she was only there to share the struggles, and pain. Was she only sent for that.
I odd thing was that, I was at piece, there was no rage and burn inside me, it was cold as ice and calm. Maybe that's how patience is, I'm devasted by my lose but I'm still satisfied.
I used to lose my mind, when I knew about Dad second wife and I always asked Mom, if she felt the same. But she always smiled as if nothing bothered her, as if our life was perfect.
I always wondered, how can she be like that, and she always said, " God gives that inner satisfaction. When you know what happens was supposed to be like that from the start."
And Dad?
"I don't live for a man and I never will."

I would die to be like her, the biggest regret of my life, that I was never able to be my mom. I surrendered in front of a scroundrel like Hammad. What was I scared of, what worse could have happened, If I have owned my mistakes and refused to marry, there was no honour that I got either wise. Maybe Izad was right, I was in need of my own help.

Zafar came back after a week, just to drop a few bucks in an envelope, he did come a few times but never met me since then. He met my gaze and dropped his eyes, turning around I thought he'll leave but he stopped, tilting his face to the left, "I don't know where he is."

"I never asked about him." I snapped.

"I know, but the desperation in your eyes did."

Izad Shah.......

The mild breeze always tickle my heart, I sat there my legs dangling down the hill, and head spinning. The pain was astonishingly high, but I didn't drink. I don't want it to fade, I want to know what I deserve.
I have made numerous mistakes in my life, I can't remember which one was the worst, but I was always able to calm my concise, survive and defend myself.
But now I don't want to survive, neither I'm able to defend my actions.
When I look back, I have destroyed and burned the loved ones with me.
What was I trying to save, what I did. I don't even wanna reflect, do I have energy No. Neither I'm ready to fix things cuz I can't. I'm too exaushted to even breath.
I just feel like closing my eyes, and being lost in the wind.
"You'll trip Izad. " I heard Zafar beside me. "unless you want to jump"

"What if I say yes."

"I'll ask why?"

I rested on my back, feets still dangling on the edge of the hill, and Zafar mimicked me, I don't know for how long but Zafar was laid beside me, quite  looking through the stars. There's always a warmth he gives.

"Marna Assan lagta ha Zafar"

"Kyun Qabar, Hashar aur hisab Kitab sab mazak lagta ha?"  his two words shook me to bones.

"Why don't you hate me Zafar? everyone else do"

"Cuz I have seen life from your eyes"

"A drunk scroundrel" I remembered her words.

"Maybe, you know what I have seen?" He turned to look at me, and exhaled.
"I saw a 15 year old surviving a sexual abuse from her own Aunt. I saw a 18 year old running from nightmares and getting wasted till he passed out. I witnessed a 23 year boy, head over heels for a girl. I saw him fixing his mess, I saw him getting his heart broken and then I saw him masking his emotions till no one see it." He patted a hand on my head, and I was thrilled how he flashed my entire life. "You know what I see right now, a man who is gonna get what he deserves."

"Hoorain behsak gunaah gaar ko na milain, laikin ye hoor tere liye hi bani ha" 

🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

Thank you soo much for bearing with me.

I really appreciate all of your messages and concerns.
Thanks for that too.

Love you all.