Red vs Blue: Private Jessie

Episode 50: "Silver Linings"

The bomb only has two minutes remaining...

Fortress
Grif: Just two minutes left!

Sarge: Men, I don't want this to sound pessimistic, but I'm absolutely certain we're all gonna die!

Simmons: I think that that's a totally objective assessment of the situation, Sir.

Jessie: It's also the most pessimistic assessment possible. No offense, Sir.

Sarge: Well, I suppose I'll let that one slide, Jessie. Considering we're all about to be blown to smithereens.

The Reds look at Tucker, as he hits the window shutters with the ultimate weapon.

Tucker: What if we just beat on these window shutters together? We can get 'em open!

Sarge: No, that would be the coward's way out. Fruitlessly trying to escape instead of accepting your own fate!

Tucker jumps up, looking out a hole in the wall.

Tucker: But I can see daylight!

Jessie: Tucker, stand back!

Tucker turns and sees Jessie pull out his Bolt-Shot. Tucker runs from the window.

Jessie: Come on, you piece of shit!

Jessie unloads a round into the window. It doesn't do anything.

Jessie: Fuck.

Sarge sighs.

Sarge: Only a miracle can save us now.

Meanwhile, with Church and the computer...

???
Computer: Teleporter complete. Slightly behind schedule.

Church: You know, it might have gone a bit faster if you hadn't spent so much processor time telling knock-knock jokes.

Computer: Knock knock.

Church: Enough. Do you have the coordinates to send me to Blood Gulch or not?

Computer: Yes. Do you have a plan yet?

Church: I've been standing in this hallway thinking for centuries. I've had time.

Computer: And?

Church: Well, the main thing I need to do is keep myself from dying.

Computer: That's a given.

Church: And since all our problems stem from O'Malley jumping from Tex to Caboose, all I need to do is prevent her from dying too.

Computer: ...because you secretly love her.

Church: Oh, don't start that again. All I need to do is kill that pink guy that sticks the grenade on her.

Computer: Sounds easy.

Church: Well, I have knowledge of everything that takes place beforehand, so, as long as I don't interfere too much, or get spotted, should be a frigging breeze.

Computer: Ready to transport.

Church: Okay, let's do it. Goodbye... computer. Comput- you know what, you'd think I would have come up with a name for you after all these years.

Computer: It's Gary. But thanks for asking. See you in a few hundred years.

Church teleports away and instantly reappears, running up to Gary.