Red vs Blue: Private Jessie

Episode 66: "Exploring Our Differences"

On the beach outside of the fortress, Jessie, Tucker, Caboose, Andy and Crunchbite are about to depart on their quest...

Beach
Church: Well, good luck guys. Don't forget to change your underwear at least once a day. Jessie, that goes double for you.

Jessie: What? I can almost guarantee that I'm the cleanest one here.

Church: No, it goes double for you because now you're in charge of changing Caboose's as well. I don't trust Tucker not to fuck it up somehow.

Tucker: I have a bunch of kids, remember? The ones you'll be responsible for if I die?

Church: Oh right. And did you ever stay with your imaginary women long enough to learn how to change your imaginary kid's imaginary underwear?

Tucker: ...I hate you.

Church laughs.

Church: That's what I thought. Jessie's in charge.

Tucker: What!? But he's a red!

Jessie crosses his arms.

Jessie: Really?

Tucker: Sorry man. You seem cool, but I don't want the guy leading me also being on a team whose Commanding Officer can't go more than five seconds without saying "kill all the Blues!"

Jessie: You think I'm going to betray you? Stab you in the back?

Tucker: Yeah. Did you not hear what I just said?

Jessie: Alright. Name one time I've been even slightly untrustworthy.

Tucker falls silent.

Tucker: Uhhhhhhhhhh... w-

Jessie sighs.

Jessie: And 'wizardry' is not a viable answer.

Tucker: Well then, I'm gonna need some time to think!

Church groans.

Church: I don't really give a fuck which one of you is leader! If you don't do this, the alien is going to kill you all anyways.

Andy: Speaking of, he would like to point out that he does not wear any pants, and therefore does not need his underwear changed.

Jessie growls, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Jessie: (sarcastically) Thank you for that very useful piece of information Andy.

Tucker turns to Andy.

Tucker: Yeah, we noticed. If we meet anybody on this adventure, that might have to change.

Andy: Why? We're used to being naked. Free-ballin', come on! Commando.

Tucker: Let me just put it this way; I felt less threatened when Tex was staring at just the sword.

Tex's head snaps away from the alien as she looks towards Tucker.

Tex: Huh what- oh, uhm, yeah, uh- I was just admiring his... his alien... muscle structure.

Tucker: Yeah one particular part of his muscle structure.

Tex: Well that's just a matter of penis- I mean opinion.

Church: Smooth.

Caboose: You told me it was another arm...