Red vs Blue: Private Jessie

Episode 34: "Aftermath, Before Biology"

Doc is in his cave when Blue Command begins talking in staticky voice.

Cave
Vic: Hello, dude, come in. Doctor dude, are you there? Hello. Paging doctor dude to the radio, stat! I need twenty CCs of what the hell's going on there dude!

Doc walks out from behind a rock in the cave, groaning.

Doc: Ugh. What happened?

Vic: Hey, you tell me dude. One minute we're talking about a hole in the wall, the next thing I know you turn into Grumps McGurt. Sounded like you needed a lozenge. Threatened to eat my children. Not very cool, dude.

Doc: Geez, did I really? I'm sorry, something went wrong with my radio, and I heard this weird beeping, honking-

Vic: Hey, no offense taken dude. Don't got any kids anyway.

Doc: What?

Vic: Old Vic's been through the snip and stitch.

Doc: I don't-

Vic: If you know what I mean.

Doc: I don't wanna hear about that.

Vic: Winky-Blinky the One Eyed Sergeant's firing blanks.

Doc: That's weird.

Vic: If you get me.

Doc: Look-

Vic: Vaya Con Dios of the Vas Deferens

Doc: Yeah alright, enough, I get you.

Vic: I mean a vasectomy, dude.

Doc: Look, I found something really weird here at Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha.

Vic: Rodger that. What did you find?

Doc: It's... it's like a... it's like a thing.

Vic: It's like a thing. Okay, dude. Thank you for the update. I'll be sure to alert the Chief of Staff...

Doc: Sorry...

Vic: Move to Defcon 1.

Doc: I'm just a little dazed. It's a big thing. It-it's purple. It's uh, it's a big purple thing.

Vic: Use your words, dude.

Doc: Look, I don't know. It looks like some kinda alien artifact. Do the aliens have like a home base or something here?

Vic: I don't know dude, why don't I just consult my Extra Terrestrial Travel Guide for ya. Oh look! Got a great series of alien bed and breakfasts there.

Doc sighs.

Vic: Lucky you.

Doc: Never mind. I'll just figure it out myself.

Vic: Nothin' about big purple things, though. Maybe it's some kind of alien vehicle.

The radio transmission ends.

Doc: Man, that guy is such a jerk. The next time he talks to me like that, I'm gonna tell him to go straight to H-E-Double Hockey Sticks! Oh, I really shouldn't talk like that, that's not very nice.

O'Malley/Doc: If I ever meet him, I'm taking his eyes as souvenirs!

Doc: Whoa, that was unlike me. I must be stressed out. Time for yoga!