Red vs Blue: Private Jessie

Episode 56: "Calm Before the Storm"

Outside of the fortress, Simmons is talking to Sarge and Grif from the safe confines of the Warthog...

Outside of Fortress
Simmons: Okay, so let me get this straight... they were talking. To the bomb.

Grif: Dude, I don't know. They mentioned something about candles and a bubble bath, and they were playing some kind of a New Age CD. Jessie made the thing tea. TEA! FOR A BOMB! It's like a Yanni fan club meeting!

Sarge shakes his head before turning to Donut.

Sarge: That makes no sense at all. Do you wanna translate for us Pinky Pants?

Donut: My guess is that they're trying to get the bomb to do something for 'em.

Simmons turns to Donut.

Simmons: And all that sweet talk, candles and drinks would work on a bomb?

Donut: It would work on me!

Sarge turns towards all the Reds.

Sarge: Don't ya see what they're tryin' to do?!

Grif: No. Isn't that the point of this conversation?

Sarge: The Blues are obviously trying to coax the bomb into rearming. They're about to launch an attack... on us!

Grif: Why would they do that?

Sarge: Because they're Blues.

Sarge points at Grif and turns towards Simmons and Donut.

Sarge: Somebody get this kid the manual.

Simmons nods and readies his rifle.

Simmons: Oh-ho, I hate the Blues.

Sarge: That's the spirit, Simmons!

Donut interrupts.

Donut: Wait a minute... isn't Jessie in there too? Why would he be helping the Blues rearm the bomb?

Sarge goes silent, lost thought for a moment while Donut's words sink in. He gasps.

Sarge: By God... I can't believe I'm about to say this, but... you're right, Panty Hose!

Donut: H-hey, I told you guys, I'm holding onto those for a friend!

Sarge ignores Donut's outburst, pacing around the Warthog, mumbling.

Sarge: ...but then that means... Jessie must be under the same mind control they used on Lopez! ...and I sent him right to his doom!

Simmons turns to Sarge.

Simmons: Sir, as much as I'd like to take over Jessie's position as Unofficial Science Officer, I really don't think Jessie is being controlled by the Blues.

Grif: Yeah, and where would they get that kind of technology anyway? The only things here are a jeep and an old computer that tells shitty knock-knock jokes.

Sarge slowly turns to Grif.

Sarge: Oh yeah, Copernicus? Then what's Jessie doing with the Blues and the bomb?

Simmons and Grif at each other before Grif looks back at Sarge. Grif sighs.

Grif: ...I don't know, Sir.

Sarge: And why don't you know, private?

Grif: ...because I left.

Sarge: And, pray tell, when did you leave?