Red vs Blue: Private Jessie

Episode 55: "Defusing the Situation"

In the fortress, Jessie and the Blues are standing around the bomb... Andy...

Fortress
Tucker: You're trying to tell us that this bomb can talk.

Caboose: I'm not telling you that, he's telling you that.

Andy: Yeah, and I'm standing right here. You can talk to me.

Jessie: Talking bomb...

Jessie turns towards the others.

Jessie: You guys can hear it too, right? Please tell me you can hear it...

Andy: It?! My balls are ten times as big as yours, pal!

Tex turns to Jessie and sighs.

Tex: Yes. Unfortunately, we can hear him.

Tucker: If you could talk this whole time, then why didn't you just... wait, why am I talking to a bomb? I'm not doing this.

Andy: What, am I not good enough to talk to? Who do you think you are, some kind of "too good to talk to a bomb" type?

Church: Maybe it's a good idea not to piss off the explosive device.

Tex: I agree.

Church: I wasn't talking about you, Tex.

Tex: Hey, why don't you suck my-

Jessie turns to Church, interrupting Tex.

Jessie: Did Gary say anything about the bomb being able to talk?

Church: Uh, just that this whole place is going to be destroyed by us, and that Andy here is probably the thing that does it.

Jessie: Huh. That's not good.

Andy: I don't think so. Bunch of shisnos if ya ask me. And no one did ask me, which I find insulting!

Church: Alright, alright, calm down Andy, calm down.

Andy: Don't tell me to calm down, I am calm!

Church turns to Caboose.

Church: Caboose, calm this thing down before it has a meltdown.

Andy: Look at me! I'm calm!

Caboose crouches down next to Andy.

Caboose: Andy, everyone here is your friend. And no one wants to hurt you.

Andy: Yeah right.

Caboose: Come on Andy, think of a happy place. Now what makes you happy?

Andy: Being in the middle of a HUGE EXPLOSION!

Church: Less happy place Caboose, less happy place!

Caboose: Ah uhh... think calming thoughts, uh... let's count backwards from ten! TEN. NINE. EIGHT-

Tex, Tucker and Jessie: NO!

Meanwhile, the other Reds are still gathered by the Warthog...

Outside of Fortress
Simmons: Okay. I'm ninety-five percent certain that the distress signal is coming from that way.

Simmons towards a path that leads away from the fortress.

Sarge: Excellent work Simmons. Alright men... and Grif. Someone go get Jessie so we can get out of here!