I'm all I've got

Confrontation

   Sorry for the mistakes.

Tuesday,                                    
April, 27

"Tell her it's me, Alexandra; she'll understand," I explained to the receptionist, who I was on the verge of cussing out.

"I understand, but she's currently getting ready for her next patient," she repeated for the umpteenth time

"Yea, well, I called her before I came here, " I lied. "and she said you should cancel her meetings for the next hour because I'm her next patient, so move." I pushed past her and opened the door to Miss Margaret's office.

Gasping at the sound of the door slamming shut, she quickly dropped the throw pillow she was fluffing back on the couch and turned around to face me. "Girl, you tryna give me a heart attack" she exclaimed clutching her chest.

"I'm sorry I frightened you, but I need to talk to you right now, and I can't wait."

"Oh, Are you all right?," she asked sitting down in her armchair as I moved to sit on the sofa in front of her

"Yes, no, I'm not sure." She gave me a quizzical look and motioned for me to continue, "he asked about her. Zyaire, asked about Miss. Simmons.

"Oh. Well, what did you say?" she asked leaning forward

"I didn't answer, I panicked"

And that was the truth, after I went completely rigid in his lap, I left without answering him

"Why didn't you answer? It's not like it's something to hide"

"I know, but I wasn't expecting him to ask that. I have an answer to his question. I just didn't want to tell him. I didn't want him asking more questions," I replied, prompting her to scribble something on the notepad in her lap.

"Questions about?" she asked

"You know what I mean," I said irritatingly. "I told him what's up with her already, so he knows. But, he has no clue about what happened after. So, If I was to tell him, it'll raise a lot of questions."

"And I have the answers to all the questions he might ask, but it won't be what he's expecting, and you know this," I looked at her. " It'll  fuck him up, the same way it fucked me up." I finished

"I understand where you're coming from, but you can't say he's not ready to hear that because everyone handles things differently, and yea, it might mess with his head a little, but you're the one who had to had to go through it, and you seem to be getting better. Telling him is the only way to finish the process." She advised

"But what if it does the same to him as it did to me, " I asked

That was my biggest concern. I didn't want the effect it had on me to be the same on him.

"You're scared, and that's your problem. Some of the things you've been through should have been shared with him, but because he wasn't here, you had to go through it alone, and now he has to as well," she said

I realized she was right when I thought about what she said. I was scared. I was worried about his reaction and how it would affect him.

As our session progressed, she asked about my week, as well as my biological parents, whom I haven't heard from since my 'mom' visited. I have, however, communicated frequently with my brother; through text. I was honestly getting stressed with all this shit going on, between my shitty investors doing sneaky shit behind my back, Zyaire coming back, my supposed family, and hidden secrets. I was starting to miss it being only Ava and me.