I'm all I've got

Grief

Sorry for my mistakes!!

Zyaire

Sitting up in the bed, I pulled the lit blunt form my mouth, blowing out the smoke.

Night had fallen, so it was quiet in the house, which led me to believe I was the only one up. The moonlight through the window, which I had uncovered, illuminated the room, giving it a subtle, yet calm lighting.

Taking another pull from the blunt I looked down to a sleeping Alex whose body was onto of mine, her head on my stomach, her hands around me in a death grip. I anticipated her waking, because I don't know what to say, knowing there was an unavoidable conversation to be had; not that I was trying to avoid it. I had a lot to ask, I just don't know how to go about asking her.

Watchin as her back go up and down with each  breath she took, I thought about all the times she had to lay in bed, in nights like these thinking about our daughter, while I was out doing god knows what. A failure is what I feel like.... I managed to be as successful as I am, but at the end of the day, I failed in what was most important, what I promised to do; protect her.

And Ava; she had to see all this, and instead of worrying about what a kid should be worrying about,  she was busy doing my job, something I knowingly neglected.

How do I even began to make it up to? Either of them?

"Zy please call me back, I literally have no idea what's  going on right now, and I have something really important to talk to you about so places call me back," her voice cracked. " I'm scared"

Pulling the phone form my ear, I looked at the voice message Alex sent me, along with the other ones before it, before throwing the phone into the wall, shattering it as it fell to the floor

I knew I should've called her back, and I honestly don't know what's stopping me but, I felt as if it would be better this way. I don't plan to go back so it's better if I don't pull her along , knowing there's nothing good for her to get out of.

"Breaking more shit. Are you ok?" My sister Rihanna peaked her head through my door

"Yea I'm good, Rih,"  I answered

Watching the movement of her eyes, I saw her look down at the broken phone on the floor.

"What? She called again?. You know it would be mush better to just answer her, I mean how would you feel if she did what your doing to her to you?"  She asked before walking off  " it's not fair" I heard her mumble before walking out of ear distance

Rihanna was older than me, just by two years, but she always act as if it was more. She's the more logical out of all my sibling, she's been that way since we were younger, she was the responsible one.

I knew what she said was right, but I'm  also convinced that I know what I'm doing, I knew Alex the best, and with the way she quickly gets attached to people me being in and out of her life won't be any good for her... so I just have to keep my decision and hope it's the right one.

And it wasn't ... I've never regretted anything I've done as much as that one stupid decision I made all them years ago.

If I had to think of all the ways my actions have made me out to be a bad person, I'm sure I'd never stop .

Feeling moment against my body. I saw Alex moving her head side to side as if she was trying to find the perfect spot before she lifted her hand rubbed cutely against her eyes and then nose. Groaning softly she used her hand to push against my torso, lifting herself from up off of me.