I'm all I've got

Affliction

  Merry Christmas 🎄🎉!!!!!!
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She could feel her body shaking beneath her as she laid on the cold kitchen tile. She felt hungry but made no efforts to get up; she felt weak, and the taunting sound of her heartbeat echoing through her head only validated her thoughts. It was the only thing reminding her she's alive and not as empty as she feels.

It had been a habit for her to retain her composure long enough to send Ava off to school, but as soon as she was out the door, she would lose it. She felt as if all her will to live had left along with her, the loneliness would set in and, so would all the intrusive thoughts she had.

She couldn't help but look at where she was and be disappointed in herself; This was not the life she had imagined, nor was it the one she had planned, but she knew she had no one to blame. It was her mistake; instead of focussing on what was, she got caught up with promises and what could have been.

But he promised he'd be here, yet here she was, alone on the cold kitchen floor, crippled with pain to the point she couldn't even think straight.

He lied

Alex sat up against the headboard,
startled awake from her sleep, trying to settle her irregular breathing as she wondered why the memories she had tried so hard to push away were coming back to her so suddenly.

Her overthinking didn't last long, seeing she was distracted by the sound of the whimpers and soft crying coming from Ava's room as she called out for her

Stretching over to her bedside table she grabbed the bottle of pills she had moved there and popped one in her mouth before getting up. She walked down to Ava's bedroom. It was only when she walked closer to her bed, she realized she was still sleeping and having a nightmare. "Ava," she called but her only response was Ava's mumbling.

She padded across the white fluffy carpet on the floor, until she reached the queen-sized canopy bed, surrounded by white sheer curtains in the middle of the from.

Moving the curtain, she sat on the bed and brought Ava's head in her lap, as she tried to wake her. "Baby wake up," she gently brushed her hand from her forehead to her scarfed covered head, as she speaks in her ear

She repeated the same action twice more before Ava woke up.
"Mom," she cried, gripping Ava's nightdress before burying her head in Alex's stomach. "I'm sorry," Alex whispered, rocking them back and forth, as tears streaming down her face, a wave of guilt wash over her, hating herself for being the cause of her child's pain.

"I'm right here, I'm so sorry, " she repeated as she hears Ava's sniffles throughout the entire room.

She expected the nightmares, they were normal, but over the past few days, it had become worse, she'd wake up to the sound of whining and whimpers coming from Ava's room
but the crying was new and, and her mind was telling her exactly what was causing it

"I'm right here," she whispered, to no one in particular, seeing as Ava had fallen back asleep

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Standing in front of her bathroom mirror, Alex could feel the nervousness settling in as she looked at the two bottles of pills in her trembling hand.Despite having to what up as early as she did this morning, she still felt restless, which led her to the situation she's in now.

The burning sensation pulsing through her fingers due to the amount of biting she did couldn't be ignored, it was so much that they eventually started bleeding. it's something she hadn't done in a while, so it hurt a lot more than it would've, but it wasn't unbearable.