I recommend listening to "505" by Arctic Monkeys while reading this chapter :]
Dream's POV:
1 month since Dream's been put in prison
(February 20)
Loneliness.
I close my eyes shut tightly. All will be good. I will be able to escape, I will break myself free from this prison. This prison that bounds me to my crimes, to my mistakes, to my... regrets.
I have plenty of time to think. Too much time to think, in fact. Hours turn into days, days into weeks, and now who knows how long it's been. Maybe I am stuck in here forever. Maybe there's no way out. I'm so used to spiraling, almost crumbling in despair at the thought of it.
I don't know how to describe it, but being locked away, separated, and secluded from everyone else is a different sort of punishment.
A cruel, painful punishment. A physiological punishment. Being locked away with just my own thoughts to keep my company. Enough to drive someone insane...
I know what I've done, I know it all too well. I think about it every day, every minute. I'm reminded of what I've done since I stepped into this cell. Half of my thoughts always flood with feelings of remorse and regret, but the other half of my thoughts are filled with hate, rage, and revenge.
Maybe there is no escape... and I'm going to live the rest of my life in agonizing loneliness, but if I do manage to escape I will make sure everyone who did this to me pays. I can't take it anymore. Alone in this inescapable cell. I can't stay here. I need to escape, I need to get out. This can't be my life forever, but it's hopeless, utterly hopeless.
I open my eyes, unsurprisingly tears have already formed. I don't usually cry, but I realize it doesn't matter anymore. I can scream as loud as I want and no one will hear me. I can cry and no one will see me. I can die here alone, and no one will remember me...
Every day is the same. Regret. Shame. Hate. Rage. Revenge. It builds up inside me, almost routine at this point.
Maybe they're all right. I've caused so much pain to everyone, everyone I love. I did it for a reason I thought was right, but the worst part is, somewhere in all that wrong I just hope I didn't make y/n feel hated by me...
I feel my eyelids start to droop, but I stay awake. Thinking about everything, dwelling on my loneliness. I pushed away all my friends, I pushed away the one person...
Another tear rolls down my cheek.
It doesn't even surprise me anymore. It's become almost routine to cry every day, especially when I think of y/n.
I lean back, my head resting against the cold obsidian wall behind me. I blink, trying to push the tears away, but I know it's helpless. All I can think about is y/n, I miss the way when we were together.
Free.
I feel a sharp, jab of pain in my heart when I think of y/n. The sharp pain quickly turns into guilt and regret. I pushed y/n away too... didn't I?
I told her to join me, she didn't. She chose her 'friends' over me. I tried to get her to side with me, for her own good. I wish she had...
My mind wanders back to that day when they dragged me away. That day, when everything went wrong. When I told y/n I didn't care. I remember the way her eyes had gone glassy, yet she promised to visit me even after everything. I had hope, but now I know it's an empty promise. The only person who's visited me is Tommy, and he only came to rub it in. Now, no one's here. No one at all. Y/n still hasn't visited...
