Our Secret Dream 2

Hide & Seek

⚠️ Strong Language & Mental Health References used in chapter⚠️

I rush out of the house making sure to stay as quite as possible. I really didn't want anyone to see or hear me.
I make it downstairs and out the door, clutching the envelope close to my chest. Now was not the time for my clumps side to come out. Once I am safely outside I take a few deep breaths before running down the drive and turning right. I look up the road towards the mountain before taking of, jogging up the small hill. Following the dusty, pebble trail that leads to 'Look out Point'.

As I continue to jog up the hill my head spins with all of these unanswered questions, not to mention my anxiety has taken its high to a whole other level. Why am I like this? Am I making a mistake in telling him? Should I really just keep this to my self? Keeping secrets is not something I've ever really done. They make me become very on edge and I just end up distancing myself but then again isn't telling Bryan about this just going to hurt him?
As someone who loves him isn't it my job to protect him and keep him safe from all of this....maybe I should just hide it again or burn it...

If I'm to go of anything to help make this decision, I should look at how I reacted.
I was so angry when I found the contract, the type of angry where you just want to punch a wall or beat the crap out of something. I'm not a violent person and yet I wanted to become violent in that moment. I had to really focus to reign in my anger when I went to speak to Mel. I knew deep down that she wouldn't have known anything about this and that if she had she would have faught for him but I still couldn't take the risk with not asking her.

Initially when I found the documents I knew that Bryan had to know and I would need to be the one to talk to him but that all things my damn over thinking brain managed to plant so much fear and doubt inside my brain that I'm not able to do it anymore. I just don't want him to be upset or angry, it's a good chance that his anger will be directed at me as I'm the one telling him and how on earth am I going to deal with that?

Between pants I let out the words 'Please don't be angry with me' as a silent prayer to anyone that everything is going to be okay and we will make it through this. I have to make the right decision and the only decision that I can make thats the right thing is to tell him, show him the documents and explain everything. He's going to understand everything.

As guilty as I feel about this, its for the best and I don't want to keep secrets from him. Secrets fester and ruin relationships. This relationship is our forever, he's my everything. I'm not going to break my promise to him, as hard as this is going to be I will always tell him the truth.

The concerning thing about this contract for me is it was received around the time I arrived in LA, what if I somehow impacted the decision that had been made to not show Bryan?

What if I was a bigger distraction that rail roadded his career?

I'm not selfcentered, if that's what your thinking. Making all of this about me, I'm just always bringing some drama or crap to him. He can never just have one day when he's not pissed off or given shit to deal with.

I make it to the top and take a seat on the bench that looks out across LA. So many conversations have been had right here. This very spot holds so many moments in my story. Both happy ones and sad. With Bryan, Chris, Quinn, you name it they have probably had a moment here in this spot.

I put the envelope between my thighs to hold it in place as I unlock my phone and look down at another text from Bryan.

Bubby 😈🥵

I've looked everywhere for you and your not here, I thought you needed to speak with me? x

Are you okay? x