Captivated

Zayn-Chapter Eight

After last night, I tried to sleep but I couldn't. All my thoughts went back to Ashley and what she is doing to me. She is changing me and I don't know why. It's confusing and it's messing with my head. I never let a girl get this close to me before. Let her know about my tattoos. Let her inside my head. I don't know how she is doing it. How she can let me let my guard down when I'm around her. I don't understand how she can get me to open up. I don't like it.

In the morning, after getting at least one hour of consecutive sleep, I go check on her. Last night when I couldn't sleep, I moved her from the room and back into the chair in the dark, cold basement. As I was carrying her back to the room, I noticed that her figure was getting smaller, her bones were showing through her skin and she looked paler. She was also lighter than the last time I carried her. I guess I should probably start feeding her.

"Morning sunshine," I said as I walked over to her.

"Morning." She responded.

"You don't look that well." I noticed. I could tell she wanted to say something back to me but she didn't have the energy in her to do it.

I continued to walk closer to her and when I got to her, I kneeled down to get a better look. She really did not look that well. Her brown curly hair was starting to lose form, her eyes were not as bright anymore, she was all skin and bones. I can't have her looking like this. We only just started our fun and she looks like she's dying. I can't have her dying on me. Not yet and not ever.

"You know what, I am going to go to the store. I'm running out of food here for me and some other things. I'll get water there for you and if you're good when I get back, I'll give some to you. Sound fair?"

"Yes, sir." She just looked at me with those wide doe-like eyes and I swear I almost lost it. She looked so broken. She is not the same girl I started watching many months ago. It's all my fault too. I am the reason she is like this. I am the reason she looks the way she does. There is nobody to blame but myself. The once happy and outgoing girl is now a pile of bones that looks so vulnerable and it's my own doing. I thought I was saving her when I kidnapped her. I know how tough her parents are about wanting her to be perfect. If I had only known she would look this sad and worn out, I would have never kidnapped her in the first place.

I stood up and played with her hair for a bit and said, "Okay, then. I'll be right back. Don't think about escaping. I'll be watching you." I then went over to the fake window that mimics the outdoors to give to the illusion that we are not underground and locked it. I still have to put up a tough act. I don't want her to think that I am getting soft. I don't want her to know what's going on inside my head. I don't want her to know that I am contemplating letting her go. I didn't even say goodbye because I don't want her to think that I am getting attached. Walking over to the heavy metal door, I slammed it shut behind me.

Leaving the warehouse, I hopped in my car and drove to the local food store. This is also something I have never done before. I never left to get any of my girls' food. But Ashley looks so pale and weak. I have to feed her. I still have so much that I want to do with her before I let her leave.

Out of all the four girls that I have kidnapped, I never felt anything like this before. Ashley is something different. Someone different. She makes me want to throw all my rules and practices away. She makes me want to take her out of here and somewhere else. I want her to be happy. I never cared about the other girls like I care about Ashley. She is doing things to me that I didn't even know I could feel. She is changing me into somebody that I don't know if I'm ready to be.

I want to change. I really do. I just don't know how. This is what I have always done. I have always abducted girls. I have always taken advantage of them. I have always used them, hurt them. I don't know how to be anyone else. This is who I am. Who I always was. And it's all thanks to my mother. She is the reason that I am so messed up. That I am like this. It's her fault that I don't know who I am anymore. But the truth is, I haven't always been like this. I wasn't always a monster who goes around and kidnaps young girls. I never wanted to kidnap anyone. I never wanted to be who I turned out to be. Ever since my mother abused me, my brain flipped a switch and now I want girls to feel how I felt when my mother was hurting me. I want them to go through what I went through every day. I don't know how to do anything but kidnap and torture girls. I don't know how to love, how to be happy, how to live life. This is all I know. I can't help myself when I see a young girl. I have this instinct in me to kidnap them. To hurt them. To take advantage of them. Just like my mother hurt and abused me. I need to do this. I need to kidnap. It's all I know. All I have ever done. I can't live without it. Kidnapping is like my vice, I don't want to do it but I have to.