Captivated

Ashley- Twenty Three

It's been a week. A week since I called the cops on Zayn. A week since our biggest fight. I can still hear the words he called me echo in my head. I haven't moved from my bed in a week. After Zayn was taken away, I packed a suitcase and went back to my parent's house. I couldn't stay at our house anymore. Too many bad memories. I haven't slept for a week either. I can't. When I try to, all the memories from that night come rushing back. I still can't believe that happened. I can't believe Zayn called me those words and left a bruise on my neck.

When I came to my parents' house, that was the first thing they saw. I had to tell them what happened. All of it. No point in lying anymore. I can still feel how angry my dad was. I can still hear the threats he was making at Zayn. I shudder when I remember him screaming.

Ever since I came back home, I have just been in bed. I haven't been eating. It's too difficult. I have probably lost five pounds which isn't good. I'm already too skinny as it is. There is no point in eating anymore. No point in doing anything. I know that I was the one who put Zayn in jail and I know how terrible he is but that doesn't mean that this hurts any less.

Zayn was the light of my life. He was my everything and my last. When I first met him, I knew that we would be something special. I don't care if that makes me sound delusional but I loved him even before I knew him. While I was being held by him, my feelings only grew stronger. I knew that he was the one I wanted for life. Soon, he fell for me too. When we were together, I felt like we could take on the world. He saw something in me that I didn't even see in myself. He showed me how to be stronger and to live life to the fullest. Zayn and I were only together for a short time but within that time, I truly fell for him. And he did too. At least I thought he did.

A knock on my door ripped me out of my thoughts. "Ashley, it's mom. Please come and eat. I made chocolate chip pancakes."

"I'm not hungry," I mumbled back.

"Please come eat. Or just get out of bed. It's a beautiful day out. Maybe go for a walk."

My mom was just as hurt about this situation as I was. Maybe not to the same extent, but this was still causing her pain. All she wants is for me to be happy. She never liked Zayn that much, and I can't say I blame her, but she knew I was happy with Zayn and that's all she ever wanted. When I came to her crying and with a big bruise on my neck, she just cried with me. I didn't even have to explain to her what happened. She just knew. Ever since then, this has affected her as much as it has affected me. I'm trying to be strong for her and I know she's doing the same.

When I didn't say anything, my mom left. I thought about what she said. I should really get out of bed and stop dwelling on the past. It won't change anything. Reluctantly, I got out of bed and threw on my clothes; black leggings and a light pink sweatshirt, one that hid my bruise. I didn't bother applying makeup. I just don't care anymore. Instead, I threw my hair up in a bun and slipped on some sneakers.

I grabbed my phone and opened up my messages. I was half expecting to see a message from Zayn or a call even. But all I found were messages from Carrie and a bunch of missed calls. I have been avoiding her ever since the news that Zayn was arrested found its way into the paper. I was not mentioned in it but the article detailed everything about Zayn and they used my statements from the police anonymously. Carrie was the only one who knew about my relationship with Zayn. I told her everything at our high school graduation because I wanted to tell her I was moving to London. We ended up talking and I told her everything. I knew she wanted to talk but if I talked about what happened, it would become real. If I kept it all in, maybe, just maybe, this could turn out to be a bad dream. With a sigh, I left my room for the first time in weeks. When I got to the living room both of my parents stood up.