Don't you know, you're life itself

After

Susan stared at her, tearing up and let Jessica's neck out of her grip, with that, Jessica collapsed on the floor and started crying, "Fuck" Susan whispered and fell on her knees, watching her lover "I- I lost it, Jess"

"It's my fault"

"No, no, don't say that," Susan said trying to calm her lover, she moved closer, placing her hands on Jessica's lap, stroking her softly, "Jess... I-"

"Telling Jack how I cheated on you! What's wrong with you!" Jessica shouted and pushed her, making her lose her balance and fall behind

"I know, baby," Susan said and moved once again closer, capping Jessica's face "I'm gonna make it up, please"

"God damn you, Susan!"

"I know, we're gonna work this out, I'm sorry"

Jessica stood there, staring at her lover for several minutes, just observing her and how easily her moods were changing, she whispered softly, "Susan, what happened to you?"

"I..." she started and finally fell down, crying, "I don't know"

"Can you realize what just happened?"

"I don't want to lose you"

"But you're not" Jessica murmured and held her tight making Susan burst out crying

"I thought I was controlling it but I lost it, fuck!" she yelled.

Silence filled the room, Jessica closed her eyes, "If Jack wasn't here I was not gonna stop"

With that Jessica bit her lip, "I know"

"Shit!"

"Come on, everything's fine now"

"What if it happens again?"

"It won't, I'll make sure it won't" Jessica assured her lover

"I should leave," Susan said and stood up in no time, she picked her jacket and phone, avoiding looking at her lover who was hardly standing straight, and stopped before opening the door, just because Jessica's voice interrupted her, "Sue..." she whispered

"What is it?" the redhead asked, not taking her sight from the door

"I want you to stay"

"No, it's fine," Susan said, wiping off her tears from her face

"Please"

"I can't Jess, plus you're gonna have company any minute now"

"Sarah is not in town, Susan. But of course, you didn't read the whole text"

"She's not?" she asked and finally turned to look at her lover

"No, sit down. I need to talk to you"

Susan nodded and took a seat across her lover who was now lighting her cigarette, finally, Jessica fell on the armchair across her, "I'm going to L.A. on Friday"

"You, what?" she asked and furrowed her eyebrows together, "But you hate L.A."

"Indeed but Ryan called me yesterday and he wants to talk to me. It's the least I can do for him. Of course, he informed Sarah that I'll be in town, we talked this morning while you were making coffee and I agreed to stay at her place. As it turns out she had a fight with Holland. She needs to see me because I'm her friend. If I stay at her place, Holland's gonna be there too"

"How long are you staying?"

"A couple of days"

"Yeah, this doesn't make me feel any better"