Loki and the Siren (Loki x Reader)

I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

Part Two
Trigger warning: Talk of Suicide
Will be marked with ⚠️ before and after

It's been two years since you lost the person you love most. Two years since everyone lost part of their world. But the world kept turning. You rented an apartment in the same building as Steve's. He's the only one you're still in contact with besides Valkyrie to keep up on how New Asgard is doing. After the snap, you got in a huge argument with Thor and haven't talked to him since.

In your apartment, the very first picture the press took of you and Loki together sits on the table next to the couch. You talk to him every night hoping that somehow he can hear you. Every so often you feel his fingers trail down your back like he used to do, but it's gone as soon as you felt it.

Cap comes in to check on you every morning before you leave for work. Which means he's knocking on your door before 6 am every day. He's been doing this ever since the six month anniversary of people's disappearance.

⚠️

On that day, the two of you were supposed to go out for breakfast. You were running late. Like, really late. Cap knocked on your door only to receive no answer. He knocked again until giving up and using his spare key. The door opened to the apartment completely covered in ice. You heard him call out for you, but you didn't answer. You just stood very still staring at the small crowd. They were saying something, but you had long since blocked them out.

You lifted your foot, but a strong pair of arms pull you back. A sob escaped while you thrashed in his grasp. He just held you with both of you sitting on the floor of your balcony.

"He's gone Steve. He's gone, my family is gone, and I can't have kids. There's no reason for me to be here anymore" you screamed, your voice hoarse from crying.

The rest of that day the two of you sat in Cap's apartment and ate ice cream. Now he checks up on you everyday, and you both have a "couch day", as you call it, every few months.

⚠️

It's a routine that you stick to. If you don't, you're afraid the world might come crashing down again. You made a promise that you would not let yourself go down the hole that Thor has. Even if the world doesn't need superheroes anymore, you can still do some good.

So you teach. You teach high school world history. A school in the Bronx was hiring, so you took the job. The job that you are overqualified for. You've lived through everything covered in the curriculum plus you have a little more insight.

The students love it when you bring in artifacts that you've collected over the years. You've taught them that simple respect is the easiest way to get out of any situation and it could have prevented wars. You point yourself out in different stories and paintings and tell them to get in a little bit of good trouble every once in a while. If you hadn't, people would not have told your story.

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"Hey, can you watch them? Parker got sick and I have to go pick him up"

"Yeah, I got em, go"

At Celia's response, you pack up your things and rush out of the room with a chorus of, "Bye, Mrs.L!"

You pull out of the parking lot of Townsend Harris High School in and reach around the car for your phone.

"Weekly Report?"

"Yep"

"I saw him earlier and well, he's not looking any better"

Of course he's not. Yes, he lost his brother, but you lost your fiancé, the guy you consider your brother, and your best friend, but you're not sulking. You continued life. Two years later and you still wear your ring, you took his last name, you got a great job, and you're a mom. No one asked for this suffering, but giving up won't help anyone.

"Well tell him that if he doesn't clean his act up, he'll never get to meet his nephew. Thanks Val"

You sigh and hang up the phone. The apartment comes into view and you put on your smile for Parker.

It's been a year since you found the cutest baby boy in the NICU. He was born and then immediately put up for adoption. You were volunteering at the hospital since they were short-staffed when you felt something you hadn't felt in so long. Love. Love for this little boy. So you signed the papers and gave him a name. Parker Samuel Laufeyson.