#WUM21
I could still remember the first time Chique invited me to their house, it was really unexpected after Mommy's messages broke my heart.
"I'm happy for you!" Hera was giggling as I ended the story of how I met Chique until I learned to get used to her care. "She's so nice and sweet as his son!"
Tumango ako, alanganin pa rin sa dapat kong maramdaman. Masaya ako, pakiramdam ko nga ngayon lang ako nakaramdam ng ganoong trato ng isang ina.
"You seem soft these days, kapansin-pansin at natutuwa talaga ako! I was hoping to see you this radiant and I thought having a man in your life would make you but this is unexpected," she added and raised a brow. "Chique is a better mom than mommy, huh?"
I nodded and smiled a bit. It's been three weeks but I still can't forget the content of her messages, it must've scarred my heart a lot. Masakit pa rin pero dahil sa imbitasyon ni Chique pagtapos ko mabasa iyon; medyo gumaan ang kalooban ko.
I had dinner with Chique and Ajax at one table-had a little chat with Chique at their music room as Ajax left for Epicenter's rehearsal. It was the first time I had a good dinner, it felt like a real home that I cried when I went back to my apartment.
I was so overwhelmed.
Chique even sang one of the songs she wrote when she was still carrying Ajax in her womb while playing the ukulele, it sounded like a lullaby to my ears. It was heartfelt.
Ang totoo, inggit na inggit ako kaya ilang linggo akong frustrated noon dahil sa mga katanungan sa isip ko katulad na lang ng kung bakit hindi ako binigyan ng ganoong ina? Bakit pa kasi ako ampon.
Her motherly treatment also made me go back to their house, I was just using the washed Tupperware as an excuse to give them back every after lunch so I could spend the time there because Chique would automatically invite me in. That's what I wanted.
She sighed. "You should block her number again and delete her messages, Sorcha."
"How about you, Hera? How is she treating you at home?" I turned to look at her.
Nagkita kami sa malapit na mall at kumain sa restaurant, we already met last week but she invited me again for lunch today. I'm happy to see her again, she looks healthy and blooming-and also happy.
"Walang bago. Ganoon pa rin sila ni Dad, hindi na yata magbabago." Bahagya siyang natawa. "Actually, sobrang pressured ako dahil gusto nilang subukan ko pa sa mas malaking agency kahit kuntento at masaya na ako sa kung nasaan ako ngayon."
Huminga ako nang malalim, wala akong masabi dahil natatakot ako sa kung anong rason na hindi ko maipinta. I just don't wanna meddle in between their family matter. I wanted to tell her to decide on her own and don't let them get into her head but... I'm afraid.
Baka ako na naman ang balikan ng mga salita ni mommy.
"Pero susubukan ko naman para wala rin silang masabi, napapagod na rin akong makinig sa sermon nila kapag hindi napagbigyan." Nagkibit balikat siya at muling natawa. "Buti ikaw kaya mo magdesisyon para sa sarili mo na walang balikan, 'no?"
Umiwas ako ng tingin.
Nasa isip ko pa rin naman bumalik para makita sila mommy pero hindi pa ngayon, takot ako pero hindi ko sila makakalimutan sa buhay na 'to. Kahit baliktarin ang mundo, maayos ang buhay ko at nandito ako dahil sa kanila kaya tinatanaw ko pa rin iyong utang na loob.
"I... just want to live my life without forcing myself to do something for somebody's expectations."
I just wanna be happy because ever since the day I learned that I was adopted, I never felt happy about the truth. I was lonely with a lot of questions. Naisip kong kahit man lang sa gusto kong gawin sa buhay, sana may desisyon akong sarili.
