#WUM38
I was contented. Felt a little better with my decision because it was also for him - actually, for the both of us.
It's just that I feel like there's a big hole in my chest. It's deep that I always get anxious every time his crying face comes to my mind.
Ganoon ang pakiramdam kahit alam ko sa sariling ayos lang 'yong desisyon ko at para sa ikabubuti niya. Parang ayos, na hindi. Basta, magulo. Masakit pero mas masasaktan ako kung mananatili sa ganoong disposisyon sa oras niya.
I must admit that I got obsessed with him, with how he treated me through good and bad days. He was my only comfort aside from Hera who was gone.
Now, I have nothing anymore. Everything was just so temporary and I was getting sick of it.
"Sorcha, are you alright? You've been spacing out," Jacques stated while looking at me.
Surprised but composed, I turned to him. He was holding a paper, we were reading it but my mind seemed to flee for a moment.
"Is it about my cousin again? What did you see last night?"
Umiling ako. "Wala. I'm good. Let's get to the topic again."
Of course it was about him. My heart started twisting again but I remained cold.
Ilang sandali niya akong matamang tiningnan bago nagbuntonghininga at ibinalik ang tingin sa papel. He explained some stuff again. I listened.
"This is Fresh Wave's contract, you might want to check their rules before making a decision."
I took a deep breath and took the paper from him. Sumandal ako sa backrest ng upuan saka 'yon binasa nang mabuti. Wala kasi ako sa sarili no'ng siya lang ang pinapakinggan kong nagbabasa at nagpapaliwanag sa ibang nilalaman ng kontrata.
It had been almost one month since the last talk with Ajax but I couldn't still forget that I made him cry. Nakakapangsisi, nakakapanghina hanggang ngayon tuwing naiisip 'yong kinahinatnan ng lahat. I should've talked to him in a better way than telling him that I needed somebody else because he wasn't available anytime for me.
I was off but I was also hurt for putting it that way. I'm so in love with Ajax that I hate how it created a selfish monster within me.
Hanggang ngayon, may galit at sama ng loob pa rin ako kahit na alam kong wala akong karapatan magreklamo. Galit ako pero ayaw ko na magsalita nang masama.
He clearly chose what was best for him and his future. I chose not to support him because I couldn't wait for too long. I needed air from where he left me.
Nagbuntonghininga ako.
Tinapos ko ang pagbabasa sa rules ng contract at naintindihan ko naman ang lahat. Hindi kagaya sa ipinaliwanag ni Winter tungkol sa Presonous. Tama si Sky na kulong ang mga artists doon kumpara sa detalyeng nakita ko sa Fresh Wave ngayon. Although, in a healthy way.
"Thank you, Jacques. I really appreciate this info about the agency first," I said plainly.
Actually, I was still surprised that I could get to read this because of him.
I like Fresh Wave's rules that won't hurt my comfort. It was convenient for someone artists like me. It wasn't too caged. Siguro dahil bago pa lang din ang kumpanya at nagpapabango.
"Sky gave that, though. Ayaw magpatalo kay Winter no'n!" tawa niya.
I see. It wouldn't really be impossible to see first even though confidential. Sky's uncle was one of the Fresh Wave's producers. Nalaman ko lang din na connected ang Fresh Wave at Escape Studios. Fresh Wave was like their junior.
