Use the ht every ud
#WUM32
I just wanted to feel okay.
Lumipas ang gabi na hindi ako nakatulog kahit sa umaga. Bawat pagpikit ay mukha niya ang nakikita ko, iyong lamig niya sa huling beses ko siyang nayakap habang ginigising ang nararamdaman ko.
Nakakapanlamig. Nakakapanghina ang bawat takbo ng oras ko. Hindi ko alam kung matino pa rin ba ako kinabukasan.
My only sister and family's gone. How could I possibly move on from this loss and pain?
My heart kept twisting, every twist of it was telling me all the things that I failed to do when she was still alive.
In this situation, I wanna feel innocent for everything that happened so I could care less.
I was desperate not to think about her death even though it was impossible. I just wanted to feel nothing at all.
Nilibang ko ang sarili sa pagsusulat ng mga walang kuwentang liriko—basta may maisulat lang, pagto-tono sa gitara, paglilinis ng kuwarto, pagyo-yosi at pagkanta ng kung anu-ano lang habang nagi-gitara.
L was messaging me about Hera's case since Bowen was the one who had a contact with the police. Hinahanap daw ako ni mommy at daddy pero wala akong pake. Ayaw ko silang makaharap o makausap. Bowen also informed that Hera was still in the morgue and would be taken for the autopsy tonight.
It made me shiver and tremble that my tears just rolled down my cheeks silently.
I told them to stop informing me anymore.
I want peace. I just wanna stop thinking about her. Gusto ko lang isipin na nangibang bansa ulit siya pero sobrang hirap kaya sa lumipas na oras ay natutulala na lang ako.
I couldn't even count the cigarettes I had smoked today.
Wala akong maisip na gawin sa kuwarto hanggang sa pumatak ang gabi at pakiramdam kong hindi na naman ako makahinga kaya minabuti kong lumabas at maglakad kung saan lang dalhin ng mga paa. I found myself in the middle of some street—where hideout was.
I sat on a gutter in front of the gate and dialed Ajax's number. Alas otso na at hindi ko alam kung nandito nga ba siya.
"Hello, beb," natatawa niyang bungad at halatang nanunuya. Dinig ko ang ingay ng mga tao at musika sa background na bahagyang humina. Marahil lumayo siya.
I closed my eyes and bowed my head. My heart calmed a bit. I stretched my legs on the ground and lifted my head again as I breathed like I hadn't done it in a while.
"Hey..." I chuckled. "I'm... uh, in front of hideout right now. I wanna see you."
I didn't wanna ask whether he was busy or not. I just want to see him tonight.
"What are you doing there?" he sounded surprised. "You sound drunk too. Did something happen?"
Did something happen... it was terrible and traumatic to even remember.
"I wanna see you," I decided to say.
Ajax doesn't really know my sister personally. I don't think he's gonna understand my pain. I don't need to tell him about it.
Hindi naman ako nakainom pero hindi lang siguro siya makapaniwala sa naririnig sa akin.
"Lasing ka nga!" suspetsa niya at suminghap. "Saan ka banda?"
"I'm just sitting on a gutter. I said I wanna see you. Kahit ilang minuto lang..."
I sounded demanding and desperate but I didn't care. I wanted him to be with me so I could feel peace even just for a while. Wala na si Hera. Si Ajax lang ang kilala kong makakapagpagaan sa nararamdaman ko bukod sa nag-iisa kong pamilya na iniwanan din ako.
