#WUM45
I didn't know how many hours I stayed in the balcony. I was just smoking with my trembling lips while the memory of his stabbing words kept running in my head.
That night didn't go well for me. Tiniis ko na lang iyong ilang oras ng party noong bumalik ako dahil ayaw ko namang bigla na lang iwanan si Jules at nakakabastos iyon sa magiging handler ko.
At least, I was still thinking straight despite what happened.
I didn't see Ajax anymore that night. Iyong mga kaibigan niya lang ang nagtagal sa lamesa nila habang nagkakasiyahan. Siguro nakabuti na rin iyon sa pakiramdam ko nang oras na iyon.
"Where have you been?" Mavy asked as I went into the condo unit.
I saw him in his pajamas without a top while his other hand was on his waist as if he's ready to scold me for coming home this late.
Pagod akong naglakad palampas sa kanya at sinalampak ang aking sarili sa couch. Summinghap ako at tumingala habang pikit ang mga mata.
I drank a lot after the party. Of course, it wasn't with Jules. I just called L and I went to her condo — we drank all night but I didn't get the guts to tell them about my pain. Though, they respected my silence while they were babying each other in front of me all the time. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung tama ang desisyon kong makasama sila.
I just felt so jealous and envious while hearing their random topics about life, their arguments last time, how they made up and their future plans as if nothing's gonna break them.
Like how, really?
They both have families who support them. Ako hetong walang pamilya na madalas tumututol sa kasiyahan ng anak sa isang kuwento pero ako pa hetong kulong sa mga umampon sa akin.
Cliché life for me.
Hinatid naman nila ako ni Bowen sa ibaba ng building kaya safe. Hindi ko rin alam kung naapektuhan ba ako ng alak dahil wala namang nagbago, masikip pa rin ang dibdib ko at naiisip pa rin ang lahat ng narining kay Ajax.
"I'm asking. It's already four in the morning. You told me the party was only until nine and I was fucking calling you, you turned your phone off!"
Now, he's really scolding me.
"Let's not argue about this," I replied.
"Are you serious? I am giving you all the freedom, Sorcha, but this is clearly breaking your rule too! Para saan pa 'yong rules kung ganyan ka rin naman? Ano'ng oras na pinapasakit mo pa ang ulo ko—"
I started sobbing for some reason, I remember Ajax again. He was nagging like that too and this wasn't helping me at all! Lalo lang akong nasasaktan. Natigagal sa ere ang panenermon ni Mavy at gulat sa aking biglaang paghikbi.
"Hey, I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you cry! I was just really worried—"
"He doesn't love me anymore," I murmured while sobbing. I shifted and bowed my head while covering my face with my both palms.
Just this one, I want to rant.
"I heard him, he doesn't love me anymore. He couldn't feel anything for me anymore. I saw it too, his eyes... damn it." I hissed under my sobs. "He looked so blank. Parang naawa lang siya no'ng umiyak ako pero wala na."
Suminghap siya at umupo sa tabi ko saka niya inalo ang aking likuran.
"Totoo ba?" nahihiwagaan niyang tanong.
"Am I gonna cry like this if that's not true?!" I hissed. "You should just shut your mouth, Mavy. Makinig ka na lang."
"Bakit sa akin ka nagagalit, nagtatanong lang naman ako. Siya naman 'yong nagsabing hindi ka na niya mahal—"
