|| SamBucky (WinterFalcon Oneshots) ||

Memories.

Bucky sits alone, tears blurring his vision as he cries silently. He was exhausted. He was numb. He was empty. He was lonely. He was this broken piece of shit that nobody loved. Everyone's going to leave, even if they claim they're gonna stay with them to the end of the line.

That's the ugly truth though? Not everything lasts? People still die. Trees die eventually. Animals die. Phones die. Happiness dies.

So does the feeling of love.

What even is it? People say it to be the best thing, that you get over your shitty depression in a week, well, he loved Steve but that didn't work did it? In the end, Steve chose to listen to his heart, but he wouldn't have left him if he knew Bucky didn't have Sam. 

Right?

The rain was pouring outside, the cold seeping through his skin and settling deep in his bones.

For once, he feels old.

He listens to the silence, allowing his thoughts to pass through his mind like clouds drifting past lazily. If he closes his eyes, he could pretend that he isn't alone. Though it's only temporarily so what's the point?

His heart was bleeding out, it was like a noose was around it, the rope tightening 'til the point it pains him to breathe. A shaky sigh escapes, not liking the deafening silence.

Who knew silence could be so loud? Funny, why is it even called silent if all you hear is this never ending ring?
Though Bucky shouldn't complain, it's a grounding tool. It's letting him know that he's still alive in this shitty world.

He would leave it, but then that would be selfish because who would Sam have then? Nobody, so for now, he'll put up with this heart-wrenching feeling of loneliness. In fact, he's so lonely that it's like his friend.

He eyes Sam who sleeps soundly on the couch, still injured from a battle.

It was his fault.

If he hadn't been arguing like a little bitch, then maybe he could've protected Sam better.

"Bucky?" Sam murmurs, his eyes slowly opening. "Hey, Sam..." He says softly, a watery frown on his lips as his chin trembles.

"Did I wake you?"

Who is he kidding? Of course he did! Why would Sam be awake then-

"You didn't. I had a thought or a dream. Stupid so I won't tell you."

Bucky only nods. Sam shuffles from the couch to the floor, cacooning Bucky in a blanket, like a burrito.

"What are you thinking about?" Sam asks, pressing his lips against Bucky's neck lovingly.

"How I'm lonely..."

"You're not lonely, Bucky. You've got me, you've got my family who you're most definitely a part of. It's about Steve, isn't?"

Sometimes Bucky hates how Sam can  read him but it also gives him a sense of being loved. Because that person is paying attention to you.

"Yeah, just thinking about how everyone leaves eventually leaves..."

Sam hugs Bucky tighter, softly whispering in his ear. "Now, I can't promise that I'll stay alive long enough, but I'll be with you for as long as I can."

That was 3 years ago and today is the anniversary of his partner's death. The bags under his eyes were noticeable. He looked like shit but he didn't care. Well, a part from the little plant that's growing beautifully, a bittersweet smile appears on his lips as he watches the plant bask in the sunlight. It was a gift from Sam before he died.

"Merry Christmas!" Sam laughed a goofy smile on his face, the Santa hat wonky. Bucky felt complete there. He stood up  and made his way over, giving him a soft kiss, his flesh hand grazing his boyfriend's cheek. "Thank you." He says, hugging his boyfriend tighter.

"Easy big guy, you're gonna squash me." Sam laughed, the sound sweet like honey and a drug Bucky couldn't get enough of.

He sighs, petting his pet cat, Alpine its name was.

"Hey, kitty." He acknowledges, picking up and kissing him on the head before starting a conversation.

"How was your day?"

As if talking back, the cat chatters, his back rising when Bucky scratches his favourite spot.

"Really?" He asks, sounding interested. The cat huffs as if complaining about the dry comment. "Well, my day was horrible." He says and Alpine nuzzles his head against Bucky's hand, purring loudly. Bucky finds the sound calming.
"Yeah, just thinking about Sam. You remember him?"

"He was kind. Charming in his own way, witty and sarcastic."

The cat chatters again, sighing and resting in Bucky's lap.

"Yeah, go to sleep kitty, I'll be here when you wake up..."

The cat sighs, his eyes closing and his tailing curling around his face, covering his eyes.

"Goodnight, kitty."