Planning Your Future

Live Like This

February 10, 1993

Veronica's POV

Dear Diary,

It's been five weeks since Owen was attacked. He's tried playing drums but it's still really painful. Mr. Donovan's still pissed. The school recently found out who did it and Mr. Donovan has been raising hell over it. Why it took the school a month to actually look into it, we'll never know.

I'm still avoiding JD. I'll talk to him in rehearsals, but I hide if he's at the door. Erika gets pissed when I make her lie for me. She tells me to talk to him. I just don't know how. It's hard to even look at him without remembering what happened at the party. The shame is eating me alive. What's worse is that I meant what I told Alyssa. I did like it. That makes the shame a thousand times worse.

I know I'll have to talk to him eventually. But the longer I can put that off, the better. For now, I have to go to rehearsal. Owen is trying to get better as fast as possible. We've had to turn down so many offers. Owen gets mad every time. He tells us to just find a temporary replacement until he's better, but we told him we won't do that. I really do hope he gets better soon, though. I'm ready for new gigs.

Sincerely,

Veronica

I put my diary down. "Alright, I'm going. Bye, Erika." I announce. "Okay. Have fun." Erika waves. I go to Owen's to pick him up for rehearsal. He seems to be in a bad mood. "What's wrong?" I ask as we make our way to my car. "Nothing. My dad's just an ass." He shakes his head. "I'm sorry." His dad is an ass, that's for sure.

When we get to rehearsal, Owen wheels himself over to the drums. "You gonna try again?" JD asks. He's been trying to play a little with his other hand. But it's pretty hard to play any instrument with only one hand. "I'm going to try every time until I can do it." He replies. "Well all power to you." JD picks up his guitar. Owen isn't able to do any more than he was during our last rehearsal. He sighs and slams the sticks down, frustrated. "Relax, Owen. You'll get it eventually." I pat him on the back. "I want to get it now." He wheels away from the drums.

He participates in the singing part, but doesn't try very hard. After rehearsal, he angrily wheels out of the room. "Owen, we have time. Don't worry about not being able to play." I tell him. "That's not all that I'm upset about! I don't get to be in the orchestra for the spring musical. I've done every show since I first started at Harvard! Now because of two bigots who cannot stand that some people are different, I got replaced by some freshman. But I know they didn't want to give it to him. But I mean, what choice did they have?" He snaps. I completely forgot he did the percussion for all the musicals. "God, I can't live like this." He wheels himself to the car.

February 12, 1993

I wait outside Dr. Akopian's office. She finally lets me in. "Come on in." I sit across from her. "So how's this week been?" She asks. "It's been okay." I shrug. "How are your rehearsals going?" She starts writing in her book. "They're not great. Owen's getting more frustrated each time. I don't know how to help him. I haven't had to stop doing what I love for an injury. I didn't have to stop doing anything when I got shot. So I don't know what to say." What am I supposed to tell him? "That's understandable. Considering what happened, I'm sure he is frustrated. Now you did say last week that you were still feeling guilty about the kiss. Have you talked to your boyfriend yet?" I knew this question was coming. "No." I answer quietly. I don't know how. "Veronica, you know what I'm going to tell you." She gives me a stern look. "I know I need to talk to him. I just feel guilty around him. My roommate is trying to set up a double date with us for Valentine's Day, and I want to say no but she will force me." Erika is a very pushy person when she wants to be. "I say you do it. You're only going to feel worse the more you put it off." She says. I stay quiet. "Just consider it." She writes something else down. "I will."

After our hour is up, I go straight to rehearsal. "Hey. How is everyone?" Miles walks in. "Fantastic." Owen says, the sarcasm very evident in his voice. "Alright. Just let me know if you need anything." He leaves with an uncomfortable look on his face. "Owen." I scold him. "What?" He goes to the drum set to have his attempt of the day. "You're already doing much better." Sam tries to comfort him after it doesn't go well. "Great." Owen groans.

February 14, 1993

"Put this on." Erika throws a dress at me. "What for?" I examine it. "It's Valentine's Day and you are doing that double date with me." She pushes me towards the bathroom. "Why can't you ask another couple to double with you? Owen and Will could go." I suggest. "You're forgetting that Will isn't out yet. Also I do not want to spend the evening with Owen. He's been a big ball of negativity lately. I don't want to spend a romantic evening with the Valentine's Day equivalent of Ebenezer Scrooge." That is a fair point. He has been really bitter lately.

I finally cave and go out with them. "Hey." JD goes to kiss me, but I move my face so he kisses my cheek. He sits next to me, looking confused. Erika kicks me under the table. "Ow." I whisper.

Erika and Kyle do almost all of the talking. "What's wrong?" JD whispers in my ear. "Nothing." I whisper back. He motions to the door. Then he gets up and walks over to where he motioned. I join him. "Why are you being weird? First the kiss, then you've been silent the entire night. Come to think of it, you have been doing this for a while. You've been doing this since we were on break." He crosses his arms. "Did something happen?" He asks. "No." It's probably a pretty obvious lie. "Tell me. Or I'm leaving." Guess this is it. "Alyssa and I kissed on New Years." I blurt out. "What?" He looks more sad than angry. "I had gone outside to apologize to her, then we ended up kissing. I regretted it immediately after. The guilt's been killing me so I was avoiding you." I admit. "I forgive you. I just need to know if it meant anything. If it didn't, then it's all fine. But if it did..." He trails off, his eyes starting to fill with tears. "No. It didn't mean anything." I lie. I can't do that to him. "Okay. Then I don't care." He looks relieved but still upset. "I'm so sorry. It was stupid. I should've told you." I say. "You really should have." He nods.

After dinner, I go back to my dorm. I'm emotionally drained. "So what did you and JD talk about when you walked away?" Erika asks. "I don't want to talk about it." I sit at the piano. "Okay then." Erika goes into the bathroom.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It's a little shorter than the past ones. But the next one will definitely make up for that. Bye!