Having Fayth

Walking out

Fayth

My father held Blain against the wall, his forearm across his chest standing eye to eye. I stood between the two wrapped in my sheet. My heart was pounding over the sound of my father's voice echoing off my walls.

"Dad, stop! Please!" I cried grabbing his arm when he pulled back to strike him.

Blain stood prepared to receive the hit, knowingly accepting without reservation, but the hit would not come.

My father turned his eyes on me, and I saw the pain and conflict within them. I had broken his heart. We had broken his heart. We destroyed his family, and he was looking for someone to blame. He clenched his fists and released Blain from the wall. His eyes finding the ground, unwilling to look at either of us before he turned walking out of my bedroom door only to call back "I want you out" in a defeated tone.

I chanced a look into Blain's eyes. It was almost as if he was begging me to come with him. I quickly grabbed my shirt and a pair of shorts off the ground and thew them on. I ran down the hall towards my father's office. The door was open, so I let myself in shutting the door behind me. my father sat at his desk with his head in his hands and a whiskey on his desk.

"Dad?" I whispered. My voice cracking as my eyes filled with unshed tears. He didn't look up or acknowledge my existence in the slightest. My heart was breaking for him. For me. For Blain. And it was all because I couldn't keep my damn hands to myself. Because I had fallen for the one person I shouldn't have.

"Dad, I'm sorry. Please talk to me? Just look at me? scream at me... something! Please!" I cried. My lip quivering as my voice shook and tears streamed down my face. All my life I had followed the rules. I have done everything to make him proud and with one decision I have destroyed it all. I let down the only parent I have left. Shattered his trust and faith in me as a person. I was his pride and joy, but the man who looked up into my eyes wasn't the same man who showed me love and affection my whole life. This man was a shell. I had ripped out his soul. He looked at Blain as his son. With him finding us in that state I had taken his son from him and Blain had tainted whatever innocence my father still thought I held.

"I'm sorry." I choked falling to my knees in front of his desk.

"Why him?" he asked. "Why him, Fayth? Out of everyone? Your brother?" his tone filled with disgust sliced me like a blade.

'He's not my brother' I thought to myself, but that wasn't the point here. I needed to fix this. The guilt of seeing him like this was eating me up inside. "I'm sorry. So sorry. I should have talked to you. I should have-"

"He should have left you alone." He roared. "Did he force you? Coarse you? Make you do it against your will?" he gripped the edge of his desk with each question harder until his fingertips and knuckles turned white.

"What? No! Nothing like that!" I stumbled to respond. Drying my cheeks and standing to my feet. "I love him."

His face grew several shades of red with his increasing anger. "You don't know what love is! You're just a little girl" he shouted.

I was struck by the absurdity of his statement. He felt I could stay home alone during his trips, but didn't think I was able to define my own feelings? "I'm eighteen!" I said incredulously.

He scoffed in my face, lifting his chin in a dismissive way. "You're a child! What is you husband going to think when you tell him you were defiled by your brother?"

Where the hell was all of this coming from?

"He is NOT my brother! And my husband? What is this the eighteen hundreds?" I glared at my father. I know he must feel hurt and betrayed, but the way he was acting now didn't seem to match the situation. He looked at me with a broken heart and disgust.

"Don't get smart now, little girl. You have put this family in an extremely uncomfortable position, and I will not stand for it. I have let you get away with way too much. Perhaps I should have been stricter. Maybe cutting you off would do you some good."

"You can't be serious, but-"

He held his hand up to halt my plea, gave a short nod to himself and turned away from me. "Yes, that's what I'll do."

"I hate you" I said under my breath before running out of his office.

Blain sat on the edge of my bed. His eyes glued to his phone. His face the picture of misery and a duffel bag by his feet. His eyes met mine the moment I crossed my doorway, and he shoved his phone into his pocket.

"Going somewhere?" I asked crossing my arms over my chest.

I know damn well he didn't just think he was going to up and run all because my father threw a tantrum. There was no way in hell I was letting that happen.

His eyes turning glassy as he spoke words that would echo the sounds of my breaking heart, "This was a mistake."

"I'm sorry, what?" I was stunned. This must be a joke. "Blain, you better be fucking with me because if this isn't one of your twisted jokes I'm-"

"It's not a joke. I'm leaving. I shouldn't have messed with you or let this go on for so long. I'm sorry, Fayth." The coward couldn't even face me. He looked anywhere but my eyes.

"You're sorry? You're fucking sorry?!" I screeched. My chest felt as if he had just punched through my ribs and ripped my beating heart out. "What the fuck, Blain? Was this all just a game to you? Were you just playing me? What happened to "I love you, Fayth? What happened to we'll make it work? I thought we were in this together? But one fucking word from my dad's mouth and now you're out? You can't be fucking serious!" Tears poured down my cheeks. My eyes stung. My hands were shaking. All I could hear was the sound of my blood rushing in my ears and a distant humming getting louder.

"I am, Love Bug" he swallowed hard looking at his feet. "One day, I hope you'll forgive me. Tell Brice I'm sorry."

I grabbed his arm in a desperate attempt to keep him here with me. To remind him of what we have. What we could be. "B, don't do this, please. You love me. Tell me you love me." I cried. My throat dried as he pulled his arm from my grasp. I fall to the ground unable to find the strength to stand on my own feet any longer. My strength, my rock was denying me. Denying our love. Again.

"Good bye, Fayth," he cleared his throat and I watched in horror as he picked up his bag and walked out of our house just like he was walking out of my life. 

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Text excerpt:

Unknown: Remember what I said, make it believable. Break her heart or I'll cut it from her chest and have it delivered still warm right to her dear ole daddy's palms along with your mother's just for good measure. Don't test me kid.

Blain: I could kill you for this! What did we ever do to you? Why are you doing this?

Unknown: Hmm you could always try, but you would fail and wouldn't that be such a shame. You would all die for nothing when you could have just walked away.

Unknown: As for the why, I was hired, and I do have a special set of talents. So be a good boy and run along, before I feel the itch to take out my blade.