Having Fayth

wake up and confrontation

Blain POV

If you ever wanted to know what your heartbreaking would feel like, stay up all night with the knowledge that the one you want more than anything is probably sleeping in the arms of someone else and you drove her to it.

Watch her walk through the door in last nights clothes disheveled with new marks from someone else's lips across her neck.

Look into her eyes only to see regret and guilt and have her blink it away in the next second and walk by you as if you were never the one making her heart race. You weren't the one making her feel the world tip on its axis with just a kiss. You weren't the one who always held her when she cried. You weren't the one she ran to when she had nightmares or someone hurt her.

If that weren't enough, watch her cover your marks with make up while she gets ready for a date and walks off to meet another man at the door with a kiss and a sinful blush that creeps across her skin to places unseen beneath her clothes.

Then walk away knowing he is willing to give her all the things you don't have the balls to give her.

That's what heartbreak feels like... or maybe it's just mine.

"Blain?" My mother knocks from my bedroom door. "Can I come in?"

I tell her sure even though I really don't feel like talking to anyone. I'm liable to snap at anyone in this moment.

I toss my phone and headphones aside knowing she will want my undivided attention, like any other time she wants to have a talk.

"What's up mom?" I ask still not looking up to meet her eyes. I can't. Call me a mama's boy if you want, but she will always be the number one woman in my life and I can never lie to her and never want to make her unhappy.

She crossed her arms over her chest "that's what I was wondering." I look up to see her giving me her signature 'spill it' look.

I just shrug. "I don't know."

She rolled her eyes "boy, don't make me drag it out of you. Tell me what's going on. One moment you and Fayth are fine and then you're fighting like you just stole her favorite book and burned it in front of her." She paused gasping with her hand over her mouth "Blain, please tell me you didn't do that."

I rolled my eyes. "No, mother." I scrubbed my hands over my face hoping this conversation would end soon.

She sat on my bed next to me. "Then come on. Out with it."

I sigh knowing this won't go over well, but holding back the truth has done nothing, but cause more issues.

"I'm in love with Fayth." I say it in a rush. She stays quiet and for a moment I don't think she's heard me.

Her eyes grow wide.

Her face pales.

Then her cheeks blush.

"Excuse me? Come again? What was that?" She stammers.

Yeah, I know the feeling mom.

I shook my head. "I tried, mom. I tried to ignore her and just be there for her in a friendly realm, but I can't. I'm in love with her and we can't be together and I've fucked it all up and now she's dating someone else who can hold her hand in public and she can bring home to meet you and her dad. She can build a future with and it's not me. He's not right for her. He's not the person she thinks he is, but he can do the things I can't and I have to sit back and watch while inside I feel like burning the whole damn world down. I'm just so fucking angry all the time now and I can't make it go away. I don't know how."