Having Fayth

What if's

Fayth POV

Christie left shortly after her announcement about her spa trip. I still sat at the table picking at my food with Blain's eyes on me. He was quiet for a long while.

When the silence became too much, I cleaned my spot at the table and walked into the kitchen to dump the food and wash my dishes.

"Fayth." He called to me quietly from the doorway.

I hummed back a response not looking in his direction.

"Look at me, love bug." He cupped my chin turning me towards him.

His bright blues staring into my dark ones.

"What did I do to make you hate me so much?" He asked softly.

I shook my head looking away, but his grasp on my chin tightened a fraction. Not enough to hurt, but enough to command my attention.

"We aren't doing that, bug. You're going to talk to me so I can understand what exactly is going on."  He said a little more sternly, but his tone still held a gentle caress.

"I can't be with you, B. I'll never be ok with keeping this a secret. I don't want to be there just to warm your bed when you feel lonely. It hurts too much. The only time the hurt is gone is when I'm with Axel." I whimper seeing the pain and anger written all across his face.

He brought my face closer to his. Crowding my space. "Do you really think that lowly of me, Fayth?" His teeth clenched.

"Have you not listened to a fucking word I've said?" His breath coming in harsh pants like he's fighting something I don't see. "I love you so much it physically hurts. Even seeing you with him doesn't make me want to stay away from you. It makes me want to hurt him and mark every inch of your body so you can't hide them again. It makes me want to take you over and over again until you can't walk, so maybe just fucking maybe by the end of it you will have no doubt in your mind who you belong with. Who you belong to."

His lips brushed mine and I felt my knees go weak.

"You don't love him, Fayth." He mumbles against my mouth.

My breath catches as he runs his lips along my jaw.

"You may like him, but he's not the one that makes your heart race. He's not the one you imagine when you bring yourself to climax. He's not even the one you could see a future with. If he were, you wouldn't have had such an issue when I couldn't answer what I wanted from you. You wouldn't react to me like you do."

This is dangerous.

I need space.

I shook my head. "Even if any of that is true, you can't say things like that to me and you can't claim me as yours when you aren't willing to be mine."

He smirked, just a breath from my lips.

"I'd be yours if you gave any indication that you'd have me. I'd tell your dad tomorrow. I'd get a job. I'd find a dorm or an apartment to move into, because I know he won't want me staying here." He brushed his lips against mine softly. "But that's not it, is it?" He looked into my gaze as if he could read my soul. "What are you so afraid of?"

I swallowed hard before I whispered my answer back.

"You." I kept my eyes closed. I couldn't look at him and voice what I knew was true.

He released my chin and took a step back while I looked to the floor to consume me and the sinking feeling I have in the pit of my stomach.

"I scare you?" His voice was shocked and disappointed.

I nod my head, but didn't look up.

"You've never been afraid of me before. You always ran to me for everything. How could you be afraid of me after almost four years of me being there for you?" He was thinking out loud, not really asking.

I looked back up with glassy eyes "that's the point, B. You've been there. You've always been there for me. What happens when this doesn't work? What happens when you don't want me anymore? Then I'm not just losing a boyfriend, I'm losing a best friend. Im losing my family. I'm losing my safe space. My home. Because you feel like home to me!" I could barely finish my ranting like a lunatic when he pulled me to him and crashed his lips to mine.

His thumbs caressed my wet cheeks while he cupped my face kissing me with so much love I felt like my heart may burst.

"You can think up a million reasons why we may not work. You can go through every possible negative outcome. And I can think of a million reasons why we would work and I know we can make every possible positive outcome our future." He lives said looking into my eyes.

He planted a soft kiss on my forehead "take a chance on me, Fayth. Stop wasting your time on boys you don't see a future with past tomorrow when you know I'm the one you could see growing old with."

I bit my lip thinking over his words.

This could be the smartest thing I've ever done or the stupidest.

Am I strong enough to recover if it all goes down hill?

Will I ever be the same if he were to one day decide I'm not the one for him?

I took a deep breath unsure of the words to come out next.

This could be really bad.

I may live to regret my decision.

It could shatter my heart in the future.

I kissed him soft and slow as if it were the last time his lips would ever roam mine. His tongue caressing my own in the most sensual dance.

My heart beat wildly when I broke the kiss.

"Ok, I'll try, but you can't keep denying me. Please, Blain. I can't take that a third time." My voice wavered just before he pulled me up to wrap my legs around his body and he kissed me harder, claiming my lips for himself. 

I hope I made the right decision.

Please, don't make me regret this.