The Man in the White Shirt

Chapter 33: No air

Recap:
I bid goodbye to Victor. Left with no choice, we decided to walk away. He turned to go to a meeting that he had. And I turned back to the elevator. I didn't look back. When the elevator opened up, I got in and turned to face the undeniable truth. And I was appalled by what I saw.

And now...
He was there he was. Still there. Near the entrance of the office. Looking at me. He didn't leave. Not yet. Something deep within my heart stirred up. I knew he didn't want to say goodbye. But we had no choice.

I looked ever deeper into his eyes and let him look into my soul too. For we both knew we could never do it again. We couldn't bring ourselves to hurt the people we love, even if it meant for us to get hurt. Whatever we had, it was best left unspoken. For words couldn't have made justice for the way we felt when we looked at eachother. These were soon to become memories. Memories of a star-crossed bond that tied us together.

As the doors began to close I heart sank. I let out a gasp. I felt asphyxiated, as though I was being choked. I badly wanted to put my bag between the closing doors and stop it fate from sealing our deal. But my body wouldn't budge. I felt deoxygenated. The ground was shaking and I knew that I was about to loose my balance and stumble. Oh, how much I hoped that he'd be there to catch me once again. I was mentally reliving each moment I had shared with him. Specifically, the scene at the coffee shop lingered in my thoughts. My body remembered how it felt like. To be held in his arms. To be protected. To be so close to him. I badly wanted it all back again.

To leave the a loving embrace is like jumping into the ocean. You know you'll hurt. A touching moment between Angie and Victor 😢😢😢

Cover pic: That suffocation sensation

The "all you can look but do not touch" man of our office. Who broke his rules just for me. Who gave me sleepless nights. Who made me miss office. The guy who showed me what a good kiss was. Who wanted to see me happy in a place of work where I wanted to be. The man who made my body experience new feelings. The man I wanted to be with. He right there. Just few feet away. I wanted to run to him and let him wrap me in his arms. But he just stood there, tightly constricting the door handle. He held on to it as tight as he could to keep him from moving in my direction.

He gave his signature smile and nod. I could see that it killed him. To see me walk away. But it was all he could muster up to do. And I just smiled back at him, as I felt water collecting in my eyes. And as the elevator started moving down, through the tiniest gap between the doors, I saw him fist the wall. He then stepped into his office. Into his usual chores. Into his regular life. The life he had before I walked into it.

Victor after fisting the wall... 😣 Tom Hiddleston twice in a row? ❤❤ IKR! PRETTY BOY! His expression captures that of Victor's

Tears rolled down my pink cheeks as I felt my lungs search for air. I knew this would lead me into having a panic attack. I had to stop focusing on leaving him. I held on to the metallic railing inside the elevator as I sucked large amounts of air to get into my chest. I was slowly showing progress. Thankfully, no one else got into the elevator. By then I composed myself. Closed my eyes and took deep breaths.

And as I stepped out of that elevator for the last time, I wiped away my tears. I prayed that I have the strength to do the same. To dust myself and walk back into life as it was before meeting the Man in the White Shirt. I didn't know if it was even possible. But I knew that I had to try. I needed to move on. As I left the parking, the beautiful summer night filled with stars breathed on my face. I rolled down the window and let the gush of strong night air hit my face. It felt good. My first step in moving forward.

As I changed the station in the radio, I felt a tear rolling down my face as I heard his voice. Troye Sivan.

...

"I got the good side of you

Sent it out into the blue

The people danced

To the sound of your heart

The world sang along to it falling apart"

...

And suddenly the picture of Monty and Winston dancing at their prom came to my head. The strong and moving dialogue between the two went through my head as though I had memorized each line. I grabbed a tissue to dry my eyes. I mentally replaced Monty with him and Winston with myself. I couldn't control my tears as they started to pour. Could this be true, that I was not missing him, but a memory of who I thought he was? I recalled a dialogue from Peaky Blinders. The one where Tommy goes "Everyone's a whore, Grace. We just sell different parts of ourselves."

...

"So many thoughts I wanted to share

But I didn't call because it wouldn't be fair"

...

I took a deep breath and decided that the only thing I can do now is to keep these wonderful memories. And never forget them. Never letting go of how he made me feel. For I wasn't sure if there'll be anyone else in this world, who could make my heart skip a beat the way he did. For he was the first man to unlock a treasure chest that had been locked and hidden.

...

"I'm sure we'll meet in the spring

And catch up on everything

I'll say I'm proud of all that you've done

You taught me the ropes, and you taught me to love"

...

And listening to these lines gave me hope. Hope that maybe something like this is still possible. The heart being an enigma would someday be open and clear. And there is just one man I would want to thank at that moment. Mr. Victor Russell.

Destined to never be together. #JackAndRose #AngelicaAndVictor

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The hardest part of ending is starting again...
Angelica walked away in a graceful manner. What do you guys think?

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