Zendaya's P.o.v
Trust me. If I could be a different person, I would.
1 Year ago
I laughed as I walked to the bathroom. Closing the door with a smile, I was quick to lock it. I took my small key out and put my favorite little drug on it that helped me forget everything.
Just that one second of feeling nothing, means everything to me.
I placed it under my nose and sniffed it in. I checked myself in the mirror to see if there was any evidence on my face.
"All clear" I smiled a toothless smile at myself.
The second I stepped out of the bathroom Y/n was standing there.
"Hey" I chuckled but all she done was shake her head.
"You couldn't even just not take anything on my birthday Ze" she said angry.
"Woah calm down" I couldn't help but laugh and that only made her more angry.
"Get out of my house" I scrunched my face up.
"Y/n" I poked her shoulder lightly "come on" I dragged out "I'm your best friend".
I always done that to her.
She let her head drop "you really need to leave" my friend was about to cry.
"Hey" I pulled her into a hug "don't cry, it's your birthday" I rubbed her back.
"Zendaya" she broke out of my embrace "I don't want you here".
When I was using my friendship with Y/n wasn't healthy at all and I can easily say that it was a hundred percent my fault.
She wasn't the only person I hurt.
1 year ago
"Where are you going" my mom ran to the front door "it's four in the morning Zendaya" she shouted as I tried to get by her.
"I'm going over to Y/n" I lied and she didn't budge.
"No you're not, you're going back to your room" that's when I got mad.
"Mom are you serious" I pushed her "let me out".
"You're using again" she shouted at me.
"Mom I'm not fucking using" I said still trying and failing to get by her "I'll be back just let me out".
"I'm not letting my daughter kill herself" I stopped trying and just looked at her before I bolted for the back door.
"Zendaya stop" she wrestled me down to the ground and pinned my arms "please stop" she cried.
"I'm not using" I screamed hysterically.
"You are" she cried "you are Zendaya".
"Mom" I said "get off of me" I squirmed.
"Why are you doing this to yourself and me" my mom cried and I could feel her tears falling on my face. "Why Zendaya, I want my daughter back".
Thinking back on what I done, I don't know how they forgave me. I wouldn't of.
"Back the fuck up" I grabbed the kitchen knife and pointed it at my mom.
"Zendaya put it down" she yelled.
I walked towards her and she backed away, I dropped the knife when I got outside of the house.
I plopped down on the comfy black couch at the party. I laid out two lines perfectly. I was about to snort it up until I hand came in and wiped it away.
"What the fuck" I looked up to see Y/n "are you fucking kidding me" I stood up pushing her.
"Okay hit me for trying to help you" was all she said back. I did just that, matter of fact I done more and she never once hit me back while I was doing all that to her.
I waited in the hospital room for two hours on Y/n, with my mom by my side.
"You choked her until she passed out" she put her head down in shame, shaking it. "You nearly killed your best friend. All because of fucking drugs" she started to cry.
Present
I sat there on the toilet with the lid closed over looking at Nate's text he sent over a week ago, saying that he couldn't do us anymore.
I felt sad that I lost him but then again. I feel that I don't deserve anything good because of what I've done.
"You nearly killed your best friend" I heard my moms voice in my ears.
"Back the fuck up" I heard my own.
Y/n has already gone distant with me but like I said, I don't blame her, she deserves a better friend. If you think about it. Maybe this is the universes punishment for me being a piece of shit my whole entire life.
The bathroom was dark and cold. My mom has been asleep for hours so I knew now was the perfect time.
I tried to hold back my sobs as I took the small see through back out with the little pink pills inside.
I told Y/n Nate broke up with me a day ago because honestly it just feels like that. Ever since he did. I started using again.
I held the bag in my hand.
I really wish things could've been different, I thought to myself just as I took one out and swallowed it.
I really wish I could just be different.
Sorry for any mistakes! Also comment what u want on my most recent update in my imagines book:)
