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Wednesday
Megan
I'd officially decided I hated school.
Well I hated online school on a hospital.
I had just finished my work for today and it was practically already evening, 5pm to be exact.
It had been so hard to concentrate all day. Ashton had visited because I missed group therapy yesterday, purely because I didn't know I was supposed to go and no one told me as Calum still wasn't back. We'd had to speak for a bit to 'make up for yesterday' but apart from a shake of my head to confirm I hadn't known I was supposed to have gone, I refused to make any answer or acknowledgement. Ashton tried to get me to speak for twenty minutes before he had to leave for an appointment, leaving me feeling rather smug.
I had started work on my bucket list, only because Luke made me. It currently read:
To do:
- Finish the Red Queen series
- Rewatch the Hunger Games
- Draw the view from the hospital roof
- Stop therapy
- Go with Jake to eat churros
- Go swimming
- Go on a plane/abroad
- Go to a concert
- Go to the theatre
Apart from 'rewatch the Hunger Games', and 'stop therapy' the list consisted of things I had genuinely never done and wanted to do. Nothing was too deep so I wouldn't mind discussing it with Ashton on Sunday.
Calum had also phoned to check on me which was nice but inconveniently times as I was trying to teach myself a rather hard topic for my physics class. We were currently learning about magnets which doesn't sound like a very challenging topic but learning about how they are made, the required practicals, the forces acting upon them, Flemming's left hand rule, the right thumb rule and everyone else from a bed with no teacher to clarify it I was even doing it right was difficult.
Next a nurse had entered,insisting I chose something for lunch. I ended up with a sandwich, an apple, and a cup of orange jelly which was nice but taking up time for my work.
Later my parents had phoned, which thrilled me but again I would have rather Ed they had done it outside of school hours.
This time mum had to pop out as she was meeting one of her friends for lunch so I was left talking with Dad which was rather awkward.
Since Mum had died, Dad and I'd relationship and taken a downward turn. He'd been extremely depressed after Mum's death whilst I developed an eating disorder, to the point where both of us needed therapy. His worked much better than mine, allowing him to return to his 'normal' self much quicker. I got to the stage where I was almost needing to be hospitalised before I actually did something about it. On my own though, not with the help of my stupid therapist. She had just brought up a load of issues that were not the cause of my eating disorder and had tried to rush me on getting over my mum's death and moving on with my life which I needed more time to process. She didn't help me to understand my feelings, nor help me with my attitude towards food. Neither did the two therapists after her. Eventually Dad stopped trying to find me one and I only started to get better when he met his current wife, Marissa.
She had been nice to me from the start and, though she was not and would never replace my mum we formed a strong bond very quickly I guess I needed that motherly influence at that point in my life and I was happy to take whatever I was given. I call her Mum because she is like a mother to me and after everything she did for me it would be weird to still call her Marissa as I did in the beginning.
We drifted apart a bit over the two years since we had met but I still loved her and we were a close family.
Until I got cancer that is.
Immediately after we received the news, my parents seemed to distance themselves from me.
I guess they were preparing for the worst.
I couldn't blame them.
Michael had stopped by too to check on my vitals and just see how I was doing. That I actually found useful as he was a belt o explain some genetics thing I was learning about in biology. Clearly, I retained a lot of knowledge on it.
I was finally finished with my work so I decided to get out of my room.
First I headed to the rec room but after seeing that neither Laura or Jake were there, I left.
Maybe I needed to make more friends.
So instead I tried to find my way to Jake's room which too longer than I anticipated but eventually I found it.
I knocked on the door, expecting Jake to answer but was surprised when Michael opened the door.
"Hello, Megan," he smiled, shutting the door behind him as he stepped out of Jake's room.
"Hi, Michael. Can I see Jake?"
"Sorry, sweetheart, not today," Michael answered, immediately making my mood drop lower.
Did he not want to see me? I thought we'd been getting on with, especially after the date comment last time he saw me.
"Oh," I said, looking down. "But you said to come back today."
"No, I said to maybe try again today," Michael corrected gently. "Jake isn't well enough to see anyone at the moment."
"You're just saying that so I don't get my feelings hurt; he just doesn't want to see me."
"That's not true, Megan," Michael assured me. "Why don't you head back to your room for a bit?"
"I've been there all day."
"Then go to the rec room. I'm sure you haven't had your hour yet."
Without another word, I huffed off.
For once I actually wanted some company and no one was around.
So I went to the rec room and sat in a corner by myself. I hadn't brought my book so I had nothing to do other than sit there and get lost in my thoughts.
I just felt so alone here.
I felt like no one wanted me around, and I couldn't blame them.
I wanted to go home.
