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TW - mention of suicidal thoughts (at the end of the chapter)
Still Wednesday
Megan
The last 5 days had not been good for me. The only good thing that had happened was Ashton cancelling my therapy session that was supposed to happen on Sunday. He had some emergency to attend to or something but whatever it was, it got me out of therapy. He'd moved it to today, and I was not looking forward to it, but at least it had been put off; I was not in the mood.
Calum entered the room, holding a tray with my breakfast on.
I groaned, rolling over in bed and pulling the pillow over my head.
"Good morning to you too," Calum chuckled.
"I'm tired, leave me alone."
"Sorry, Princess, I've got to check your vitals and I've got breakfast for you."
Slowly, and reluctantly, I sat up, positioning myself so Calum could take my vitals.
"Thank you," he spoke, grabbing his stethoscope and checking my heart and lungs, then my blood pressure and whatever else he needed to do.
"All looking good," Calum smiled, before passing me the tray with my breakfast on.
He'd brought me a range of fruit, and a slice of toast with marmite on it. I wasn't a big fan of toast but I loved marmite too much to leave it.
"Thank you," I said, taking the tray.
"I'm going to leave you to it. We're going to go for a walk later so I'll come back to get you in a bit, okay?"
"Ok."
Calum left the room and I stared down at my breakfast. I ate the grapes first, followed by the banana then the apple. I never ate this much fruit but I guess when your meal are supplied by doctors they have to be healthy. I took a bite of my toast which actually tasted really good; it had been ages since I'd last had marmite.
I got comfortable in bed again, once I'd finished, picking up my phone to see no missed calls or texts from my parents.
I sat playing some random game that required little focus or thought until someone walked into my room.
"Luke," I smiled.
"Hey, darling, I haven't seen you in awhile so I thought I'd stop by," Luke said, coming over and sitting down by the side of my bed. "How are you doing?"
"Alright I guess," I mumbled, looking down.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No, I have to talk to Ashton anyway, but in short I had a big argument with Jake and now we're not talking."
"I'm sorry. If you ever want someone to talk to then you can always come to me." Luke said.
"Thanks," I smiled.
"What are you playing?"
"It's called tricky track," I told him "You've got to race the computer to the end of the track and you have to hit targets on the way with beach balls. You can hit the other person's too so then it like closes a gate or drops something on them."
"Sounds fun."
"Not really," I laughed.
"Megan, you ready for our walk?" Calum said, appearing at my door. "Oh, Luke, hey."
"Hey," Luke chuckled at Calum's surprise. "I'll leave you two to your walk then. Have fun darling."
"Yeah I'm sure I will," I rolled my eyes. I knew Calum was trying to get me out of my room and get me to do something other than sit in bed all day, and I understood that, I just didn't want to do it.
"You ready to go?" He asked once Luke had gone.
"No, I haven't changed yet."
"Ok, you quickly do that and then we'll go."
I dragged myself out of bed, grabbed a pair of jogging bottoms and a hoodie, and made my way to the bathroom to change.
Once I was dressed, and had brushed my teeth and done everything else I needed to, I made my way back over to where Calum was waiting for me.
"Let's go," he smiled. I mustered a small smile in return, not wanting to make him feel bad.
We exchanged small talk as we walked through the hospital corridors, heading for the garden Luke had taken me to last week.
I was quite beautiful and I was pleased that was where we were going.
I made it there no problem and we sat on a bench for awhile, soaking in the sun and enjoying the outdoors; it felt nice.
It was on the way back to my room that I started to feel tired. I hate this lack of energy that I now had.
"Calum I'm tired," I said, leaning into him.
"Ok, sweetheart, we're almost back to the room."
"I'm tired," I said again.
Calum looked at me with an expression of concern.
"Do you want me to carry you back?" He asked.
I nodded.
"Ok," I smiled softly, scooping me up in his arms and carrying me back to my room bridal style as I rested my head on his shoulder.
He carefully laid me down in my bed.
"How are you feeling?" He asked.
"Tired," I answered.
"Apart from that. Dizzy? Sick?"
"Nope, just tired."
"Ok. I think you just need some rest. You're supposed to go and see Ashton this afternoon, but as you're very tired I'm going to-" please say cancel it, please say cancel it "get him to come here instead, alright?"
I nodded, not happy with the outcome of that. I was genuinely exhausted but I was hoping it would get me out of it rather than me just have to talk to him here.
Calum stayed with me for a bit before he left to get Ashton, despite my attempts to get him to stay longer.
"Morning, sweetheart," Ashton spoke as he appeared at my door.
I didn't answer.
"Calum said you were very tired today so I'm not going to make you talk about anything too heavy today or for too long. Is there anything you specifically want to talk about today?"
I shrugged, looking down at my lap.
"I thought we were past the silence, sweetheart."
I shook my head, unable to look up.
I hadn't been thinking right when I'd opened up to Ashton on Friday. I'd been overly emotional and had just started talking without really thinking about it.
"Did you get a chance to make that bucket list we spoke about?"
I nodded.
"Can I see it?"
I rolled over in the bed, opening the draw in my bedside table and pulling out the piece of paper I had written my bucket list on, passing it to Ashton.
I sat in silence as he read through it before suddenly sitting straight up. "No!" I gasped, trying to snatch the paper away from Ashton, but it was too late.
How had I forgotten?
I'd added to the list on Friday, after my argument with Jake.
I began to cry. I hadn't meant it. I hadn't meant for anyone to see.
Because now the list read:
To do:
- Finish the Red Queen series
- Rewatch the Hunger Games
- Draw the view from the hospital roof
- Stop therapy
- Go with Jake to eat churros
- Go swimming
- Go on a plane/abroad
- Go to a concert
- Go to the theatre
- Die
