Salvation

Chapter 46

Galway

A day felt like an eternity. I Lay curled up in bed, tears splashing down. Walking away was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I missed them so dearly. My heart ached for them. For Theo. For my brothers. For the Mikaelsons, my sisters. For Kol. I was shattered. Memories flashed before me, I could hear our laughter, see us smile and we were happy. Every moment played before my eyes. Every dance. Even the silly ones. The romantic ones. Every play fight with my brothers. Every moment I spent with every single one of them. Just like that, I spent the next several days. Every night the same occurrence. Every night I would stay up and I would tell myself I'm alright with tears soaking my pillows. My own memories were tormenting me. I wanted to run back to them, but it was too late. They had no memories of me. I was the only one left with years and years of moments. Good and bad.

I hated closing my eyes. I would see him. I would see myself dance with his ghostly figure. To know I would die without being held by him, without seeing him one last time; my heart crumbled. I lost my smile and spirit in the words of Harlow. She found love. She found Henry and though I couldn't express it to her, I was happy for her. A part of me wanted to dislike Henry. Something about him reminded me of the Mikaelsons. Reminded me of Kol. It was a cruel joke from the universe, poking fun at me, relishing in my misery.

Dhanika and Noah settled on the street across from Harlow and Ben joined them. They put in simple words: they had nothing better to do and nowhere else to be, so they followed us to Galway and we were together for the rest of the days. It was in ways soothing to see Dhanika thriving and truly dissolve into the women she was always meant to be.

A gentle knock at my door. Wiping away the tears I slid up on the bed, pressing my back against the headboard. I couldn't respond without my voice crumbling. The door slowly opened and in stepped Harlow. She must have heard me cry despite my efforts to stifle them. Without a word she slipped into bed next to me and took me in her arms. "I know you miss them, and you're broken. Cry if you want, I'll be here." She murmured. "You'll be okay-"

I came undone. "No... I-I'll never be okay." My cries were raw, making her wince. I sobbed hard as she held me. The touch I craved the most was Kol's. Our love story was incomplete. There was no more hope for me. Hours had passed, how many I could not tell but somewhere along the way I drifted off to sleep. That night I didn't dream of him. I tried so hard to summon up a dream, but nothing came. I awoke the following day hugging my knees, rocking back and forth as I cried. I dreamt him up so frequently that there was nothing left not even his ghost.

At first it started at the bottom of my stomach, slowly growing as the days slipped by. I didn't notice it at first. I thought I was okay, I was fine. I thought I could get through it. But this weed was watered unforgivingly, and it grew stronger, stubborn, strangling my organs. I began to lose my appetite and when I noticed it was too late–I couldn't breathe, and it was far too late to turn back because it was working its way to my heart–that was what heartbreak was for me.

I remained rooted to one spot, a living corpse that did nothing but stare ahead. Dhanika walked in and out, they all did. They would try to persuade me to eat or drink something-anything, but I wouldn't register anything. I didn't want anything. Their words were muted, and they knew it. Occasionally I would see colour and I would give the odd response, but I had nothing else to give. The room was ill-lit as I glanced around. Tiny shadows often skipped across the room and despite the glow from the lights, the white glossy furniture and bedroom decor, it was barren.

A sudden urge to throw up invaded. I tossed the duvet off and stumbled into the bathroom, gripping my head to stop the spinning. My brain bashed around in my skull. The wave of nausea and sickness struck again. Stabilising myself at the edge of the sink, the contents of my stomach hurled themselves out. Foul and bitter, leaving behind a burning in the pit of my stomach. Straightening myself was impossible when I grew too weak. Throwing up didn't help my situation. Minutes later my head was back in the sink.