Remember Me [ Fred Weasley ]

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 / 𝑺𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒐𝒏

{ Song: Somewhere Only We Know by Keane }

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

We create our own reality. I know this for a fact, because I have done it. This is the place where I belong; a place where I feel like I am home.

Even though I know that there will come a day when I won't have any other choice but to leave it behind, that day is far into the future and the world will watch many suns rise before it will even show up as a glimpse on the horizon. I promise myself to take no day for granted, to not count them in order to live every single one to the fullest.

As I walk down the corridor with Fred's hand in mine after too many weeks of being apart, or days in his case, the same appreciation for every magical or even ordinary thing fills my whole body just like the very first time I came here.

When we had both held each other long enough to find comfort in being together again, we left the room to make it back to the Gryffindor tower. There is no specific reason for this, but the only thing that seems to matter is that we are together again.

In some kind of silent agreement, we stop halfway through an empty corridor and when Fred sits down on a bench alongside the wall I do the same. He doesn't say anything, maybe because breaking the silence might scare the calm away. However, there are things that need to be said; a conversation that we should have had long before everything became so difficult.

"So about us" I say carefully, "We should talk about it"

"Yeah, we should" he answers hesitantly, "I think we need to start with what happened at the party because that's where it started, right?"

Revisiting the memories from the night where my every choice had been the wrong one makes me shiver. A part of it is because of all the reasons I blame myself, but just as much the things that were out of my control.

We can't always choose what we will be put through, but it's up to us to decide how we make things right. I had done just about everything but that. For that I will never stop blaming myself.

"The only reason me and Draco were there in that dorm in the first place was because everyone got sick of us arguing and instead of talking he-" I say quietly and swallow the uncomfortable pain of the flashback, "He held my wrists against the wall and kissed me and I got confused, scared, so I gave in for a moment and I should have stopped it sooner but I was too stupid to realise what was going on"

While there is no point in sugarcoating it or leaving out parts of the truth, the way that Fred clenches his jaw at the reminder of what really happened makes my heart ache with a guilt that I can't ignore. I can't pretend that it didn't happen, and I won't ask him to do so either.

"You really didn't want it?" he asks and I shake my head slightly in response, "I wish you would have just told me about what really happened, I wouldn't have blamed you for any of it if you would have been honest"

"I know that I should have said something but it felt like it was my fault" I mumble and sigh, "And I was scared of hurting you, I thought that I might have asked for it even though I didn't mean to and I thought that I would lose you"

The look in his eyes tells me that he is hurting just as much as I am, but not in the way that I would expect him to. It's more a sense of sympathy than it is one that blames me for what happened and I can only guess the reasons why.

It has been easier to come up with explanations to why I should have acted differently with Draco than to admit to myself that I wasn't given a choice. Somehow I still can't stop torturing myself with the feeling that it happened because of me.