Benny had talked to you about his episodes, where he said he would get sudden cravings out of nowhere, most of the time when you two were apart.
He said that when you went away from him, he needed to find something to give him stability, and help him stay calm through it all. His anxiety worsened every week you'd been gone and he didn't know how else to deal with it. He said when he smoked it helped him feel more tethered, like he was in control of things that he clearly had no control over.
You understood to an extent what he was going through. Being without your other half was such a straining thing to think about, and when you were gone for months at a time, leaving Benny by himself to take care of your daughters, you were living in luxury with your friends, not a care in the world to deal with. Of course you missed him, but the situations weren't ever the same.
He told you he wouldn't buy any more, and would always come to you whenever he felt he needed a fix. That was two weeks ago.
Benny had gotten some unsettling news earlier in the day that concerned you, and he wasn't able to talk to you because of a doctor's appointment for little Ben. You came home later than usual, for having also run errands and doing some grocery shopping for the weekend. He was getting antsy, and couldn't help himself but to light one up from the pack he'd tried to hide from himself.
He knew he shouldn't, amd he knew that when you got home you'd be disappointed in him, but that wasn't his intention. He needed to feel some sort of relief, and with the distraction of his precious children being put to a halt since their bedtime, he didn't know what else to do. His anxiety was ramping up on him and the news he'd gotten kept swirling in his brain until he inhaled the smoke. He was more at ease, now.
You hadn't walked through the door until 9 pm. When you did you immediately smelled it. You set your things down and went straight out to the back porch, seeing him once again with a lit cigarette in his hand.
He looked up at you with a distraught frown. He knew what this did to you, to see him doing something that could potentially hurt him, or even kill him. He didn't think about any of that when he first tried it, but now that he'd gotten himself into a hole, he always thought of what might happen to you and the kids.
"I'm sorry." He said, his voice was broken up and barely able to utter the few words. His eyes were glossed over and his hair was a disheveled mess by now.
"Benny this has to stop." You approached him, taking the small smoking object out of his hands and dropping it to the concrete before stomping on it.
"I couldn't help it. I tried to hide them but I couldn't-"
"Save the bullshit. I'm not going to sit and listen to how you can't resist it. I know exactly what those things do to you." You couldn't help but tear up. You wanted to put your foot down and end this once and for all, but you knew it wasn't going to be a short and easy road.
"It's been a long day, I got some bad news." I tried to justify his actions, even though he knew he shouldn't. He knew all of this was bad, and the more he did it the worse it would be.
"I don't care. I swear, Benny, if you don't stop this we're going to have to get some real help." You told him, your hands balled into fists to try and keep from blowing up while the kids were sleeping.
"Mack, you have to see things from my side, I can't just-"
"No! I will not see things from your side! I lost my dad because he did the same thing you're doing. He tried to tell me and my mom how 'he was trying to quit' or how 'it was only to calm him down'..... and I lost him." You said, your voice was blaring with anger until the last part. You started to tear up just at the thought of Benny suffering the same fate as your father. "I will not lose you, too. I literally wouldn't know what to do with myself."
Benny let your words sink in for a minute. He understood to an extent that you went through a lot with your dad, and that it was all caused by the same problem he faced now. He also knew that maybe if he told you the reason why he'd lit one up again, you would be more forgiving.
"I'm going to stop, I promise. For you, for the kids... I promise."
You sighed and took another step closer to him, hoping that maybe he could help you overcome your anger in the moment. You put your hand over his heartbeat to feel ot under your palm, just like old times.
"You said that the last time we talked about it."
He hated the way you looked at him just now, the pure disbelief and utter disappointment was not anything like how you normally looked at him. You always looked at him as if he lit up the room, because in your eyes, he did. His smile was better than anything you ever saw before, and it made you smile just to witness it. You looked at him with love, and adoration... but not right now.
"I meant it, I did. Something came up today, and you weren't here, and I didn't know what else to turn to." He explained. Great.... another excuse to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal. Every cigarette he smoked was the biggest deal to you. It was one more thing that could start deteriorating him from the inside.
"What came up?" You asked, trying to stay calm and observe all details of the situation before you finished the conversation.
He looked down at you like he was scared to say what it was. If it was too bad, maybe you didn't want to know, but you were going to find out eventually.
"Mikey made parole, he's getting out on Monday."
A/n:😏😏😏😏😏
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Slugger (Sequel to 'The Jet') Benny Rodriguez
FanfictionAfter getting married and having started a family, Benny and Mack have to now face the trials of adult life, and parenthood. Things might get a little rough after college gradutation, because everyone has always known Benny would play professionally...