Slugger (Sequel to 'The Jet') Benny Rodriguez

Chapter 9

You wanted to cry. You started to. Your angel had done something to himself that he should never have even thought of.

You saw two dark red scab lines on each of his arms. They were fresh. You didn't move your eyes from his arms, and he didn't know what to say or do. He just sat there, an ashamed look upon his face as he hung his head low.

"Benny, what are those?" You choked out. He didn't answer you, but shook his head and shrugged instead. His eyes also held sadness and new tears.

You reached your hands out and took his hands in yours, as you felt him become very emotionally distant within only a few seconds.

"Benny those are fresh cuts. You did this today." You knew he had, because first of all he had been wearing a short sleeve shirt earlier in the day, and second, if it had been something that he hadn't done himself, he wouldn't feel the need to hide it from you.

"I know." Was all he could muster. He'd had a really bad day today, and he honestly just really wanted it to be over so a new day could start.

"Why did you do that?" You asked him, trying to look him in the eyes, but his head still hung low and you couldn't see his face.

"Today might have been the worst day I've ever had. I thought that you'd stopped loving me because you found someone better. I know that wasn't the case, but all the proof was there. You'd go into the office whenever he'd call you up, and whenever you mentioned him you seemed happy. Another thing that made me believe it all was the fact that you wouldn't let me make love to you the past few nights. And I know you might have just needed a breather, but when I saw that paper today....." He paused, finally brining his gaze to meet yours. He finally looked into your big green eyes, and you only saw guilt on his features. "I swear I wanted to kill that guy. But then I had to sit and think. If you had to pretend to be happy with me while you were with another guy on the side.... I felt like I was the problem, like I wasn't giving you want you needed. I felt like I was the person who'd driven you to not love me anymore. And when I left and took Eva, I felt this hate towards myself...."

Your eyes were overflowing as he told you this, as if you hadn't cried enough today. This angel didn't deserve any of this. Yes, the whole situation was caused by being the wrong place at the wrong time... but it was so much bigger than that.

You put your hand at the side of his face, wiping some of the tears from his cheeks.

"And when I got to my mom's house I was just angry at myself, and I wanted to  do something that would make me feel better. I thought that sitting in my old room might help me calm down or at least think a little better, but I could only think of you and me when I sat down on that bed. I couldn't stop being mad at myself for having lost you, when I swore after the first time I would never let it happen again." He got deathly quiet after the last sentence, and again dropped his head to his his shame. "I found your old switch in the nightstand."

You had to drop your head too. You didn't want to hear anymore of this. He had hurt himself over you and you couldn't take listening to it. He was too precious for this world and deserved everything.

"So I started to-"

"Don't." You stopped him,  shaking your head. "I know what you did, just please don't say anything else."

"Mack, I'm not afraid to own up to my actions. I know it was stupid and I wish I could take it back but I can't... and now I'm gonna have nasty scars to remind me every day that I cut myself up." He replied. Damn him, you didn't want to hear him say it. It hurt your heart that this was all caused by you. You were too chicken to tell him about the night at the gala and now your precious boy had done something horrible to himself because of you.

"I can't fix them... I can't. But I promise to never judge you because of them. And I'm so sorry for what I did. Benny this is all my fault." You tried to own up to your actions as well.

"It's not your fault, okay? This will never have been your fault. Ever." He reassured you. You still felt the one to blame but you wouldn't press any further.

"I'm still sorry. I want you to know how much I love you, and if there's one day that goes by that I don't tell you how amazing you are, then lock me up, because I'll have gone insane." You told him. You leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips, trying to make him feel better. He kissed you back, but he began to pull down the sleeves of his shirt again.

"No." You whispered, breaking apart from him for a moment. "You don't have to hide them from me."

He leaned his forehead against yours for a minute, just keeping his eyes closed before nodding.

"Can I ask one thing of you?" He began, brining a hand to your head and through your hair.

"Anything."

He paused, or at least hesitated before asking what was on his mind.

"Would you let me make love to you tonight?" He whispered, his voice barely audible to even you.

"All night long angel...." You replied, pulling him closer to you.

"Como quieras, mi amor..."

As you wish, my love.